Tempus fugit et nos fugimus in illus… “Time flies, and we fly with it..”
It was a pretty hectic weekend around here. First there was the Malaysian Food and cultural festival in Trafalgar Square on Friday night. Normally my Malaysian Chinese husband would view such events with haughty disdain, claiming the food offerings had been watered down to be point of having lost all authenticity. Yet when the dust settled, even Eric had to admit they did okay.
Then it was up early on Saturday to head over to London’s O2 Arena to hear a lecture by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Speaking to a fairly packed arena for nearly two hours on the subject of compassion. Followed by a very interesting Question & Answer session led by Daniel Goldman, author of the book “Emotional Intelligence”
By the time Sunday rolled around, we were ready for a more relaxed day. Having puttered around the house being domestic in the morning, watching the Rugby World Cup match between the United States and Samoa. (Samoa pretty much clobbered our boys I’m sad to say….) We then headed to Central London for a late lunch, and some window shopping. As we were walking down Shaftesbury Avenue, just past Cambridge Circus, it was there we saw it…
What we saw was the reason I am optimistic about the 2016 election in the United States, and the future of Western Civilisation in general.
You see, for the past few weeks the ultra-social conservative wing-nuto-sphere in the United States has been losing their collective minds over the idea that marriage equality for same sex couples is now a fact, not just a concept. Hypocritical bigots like three time divorcee Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, have shrieked hysterical cries of anti-Christian oppression because they are not allowed to impose their beliefs on others. While the usual cast of hate-peddlers line up to ride that train of contrived victimhood as long as possible, to milk donations from the bigoted and gullible.
Then there was what Eric and I saw Sunday afternoon here in London. Two young men, they had to be at the most 16 or 17 years old. Clearly a couple, clearly in new young love. Arms round each other as they walked down the street, they stopped briefly to wait for a third friend walking behind them to catch up, seizing the moment to share a brief, sweet and harmless PDA (public display of affection). The shorter of the two, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend.
Walking along behind them, I had to smile and marvel at how different the world is from the first time I walked down this same street in 1986. I wasn’t that much older than these two young men. At the time the idea of even being “out of the closet” let alone waking down one of the busiest streets in a major city as a couple, just like any other seemed inconceivable.
Yet here I was, 29 years later, again walking down Shaftesbury Avenue, but holding my husband’s hand, and watching these two young men ahead of us just… being a couple. No furtive glances to see if anyone was watching. No awkward looks or hateful comments from any passers by. They were just a beautiful young couple out enjoying a beautiful early fall day.
Watching the Republican Presidential debate last week from the Reagan Presidential Library, the likes of Rick Santorum, Mike Huckabee, and Bobby Jindal shook their little fists and stamped their feet. Claiming “radical homo-facists” are out to criminalize Christianity. Claiming these two young men were attacking western civilization itself. Opportunistic hate merchants like Tony Perkins, and Bryan Fischer desperately trying to keep alive a battle to preserve bigotry.
The base of Republican party has decided to try to stand in way of history. Like George Wallace in the doorway of a school in Alabama shaking his little fist in defence of racism. A generation later the Kim Davis’ of today are just as out of touch.
The good news is, it is a battle they are losing. In so many places, the world truly has moved on. Not everywhere of course. There are still many parts of the world, even in the United States where that wonderful young couple would be quickly attacked or even killed for such a harmless display of affection. Yet in many other places, the tide has clearly turned.
The millennial generation isn’t buying the hatred and bigotry that Tony Perkins and his ilk are peddling . Instead we see a generation that sees diversity as a good thing not a threat. In his lecture last Saturday, the Dalai Lama spoke of how compassion is a innate human characteristic, that sadly in many instances we are taught to disregard. Yet he said he is hopeful that as a species, we can reclaim it.
Those two young men, blissfully caught up in each other’s company are not a threat to Kim Davis, or anyone else, Love is not a zero-sum proposition. My marriage doesn’t diminish anyone else’s.
Tempus Fugit… Time flies, and as with all things, the only constant in the Universe is change. By clinging to the strategy of trying to get people to vote against other Americans because they are unable to get get people to vote for their ideas, the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate Clown Car will clearly and thankfully, end up where in belongs. In the electoral ditch.
(The following is an updated repost of an entry from Sept. 11th, 2011)
Today the media, and the blogposphere will undoubtedly be full of all sorts of remembrances and commentary around what is the 14th anniversary of the terrorist attack on the United States on September 11, 2001.
To be honest I really don't like to dwell on the topic. Not out of any sense of personal pain, but more out of respect, for those people I know who were far closer to the events of that day than I was. My experience that day was a somewhat surreal one.
I had gotten up very early and caught a flight from Chicago Midway to Houston. I was heading there for work. It was about 20 minutes into the flight, the seat belt sign had just turned off, and people where shifting about, getting comfortable. I had just pulled out my laptop to work on the presentation I was going to be giving later that day. Suddenly the seat belt sign came back on, and the crew announced that everyone was to return to their seats and prepare for landing, the flight would be returning to Chicago.
The Pilot then came on the speaker system to say that there was nothing wrong with the plane, and we were returning to Chicago because the FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) had ordered the flight to return to "clear air traffic". He said that was all the information they had, and he apologized for the inconvenience.
Everyone on the plane thought the same thing. (Not terrorism.) Chicago Midway had upgraded to a new Air Traffic Control System earlier in the Summer and a few weeks prior, there had been a series of glitches that had delayed several flights. Everyone groaned, made comments about "Government Efficiency" assuming it was yet another problem with Midway's system that was going to mess up our day.
This assumption that was bolstered when the captain came back on the loudspeaker and announced that we were not returning to Midway but rather we were diverted to Chicago's O'Hare International Airport.
The woman sitting next to me was happy about this thinking at least it might be easier to get on the next flight out to Houston. I nodded, and said "I hope so", thinking of how I might salvage the rest of my schedule that day and make my afternoon meetings on time.
It took us about 30 minutes of circling over O'Hare before we could land. Sitting in a window seat I watched as the line of planes waiting to land stretched to the far horizon and oddly enough, no planes were taking off. I commented on this to the woman next to me, and she said "wow Midway's systems must be really screwed up!" I laughed and said that what we get for Ronald Reagan having fired all the good Air Traffic Controllers. She laughed and said she had forgotten about that.
We landed and had to wait an additional 20 minutes to get a gate. but finally pulled up to a jetway , and we all lumbered off the plane into the gate area I was getting annoyed because people were not clearing the area in front of the door but were all standing around the televisions that were tuned to the CNN Airport Network. I was about to say a loud "excuse me!" when I happened to look up at the TV and saw CNN replay footage from ABC of the second plane hitting the World Trade Center.
CNN then cut to live shot of a column of smoke and ash where the World Trade Center Towers were supposed to be, but weren't. I called my office and my boss told me not to come in, The area in downtown Chicago around the Sears Tower was being evacuated. I called my parents and let them know I was not in Houston, got on the CTA Blue Line and went home. The rest of that day I did what most Americans did, watched the news, and when the images became overwhelming, I put on my roller blades and went blading along the Lake Michigan shoreline.
It was brilliant sunny day. One of those late Summer, early Fall days that you get in Chicago that make you appreciate what a beautiful city it is. As I stopped at Oak Street Beach and admired the downtown Chicago skyline, I didn't think that somehow the "world had changed". But rather I found myself thinking how the United States had sadly, finally joined the rest of the world.
Before that that morning, Terrorism was something that happened in other places, Israel, Lebanon London, Belfast , places far away. Even the first World Trade Center bombing for many people, didn't seem like international terrorism. After all, the people responsible were caught when they tried to get the deposit back on the rental van they had used. (How sinister could people that dumb be?) That is what changed I think, it was the moment America lost the illusion that somehow our two oceans would keep us safe from global terrorism.
For friends of mine who lived in New York on that day, I understand that today is a much different experience for them. A good friend of mine is a New York City Police Officer who lost an arm in the attack that day. Another friend of mine worked for an investment bank housed in the North Tower, she had a doctors appointment so she didn't go into work that morning. For her, today is a reminder of the friends and co-workers she lost that day.
For the numerous friends of mine who have served, and currently serve in both Afghanistan and Iraq with the American and British Armed Forces, they deal with the effects September 11, 2001 on a far different level than most people ever will.
So this evening, as many Londoners and ex-pats attend the 9-11 memorial service at Westminster Abbey , people all over the world will remember the events of that day, pray for those who were lost, and show solidarity and support for friends and family for whom this anniversary is far more personal than political.
Labor Day, the traditional end of Summer, the last hurrah of holidays, Barbeques and Beachcombing. Soon Autumn will be upon us and as the American humourist Garrison Keillor once wrote, fall is the time we all go “back to school and study for Winter”. Carefree warm weather days grow shorter, and that slight hint of a chill in night air reminds us all that darker, colder days are just around the corner.
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is undoubtedly feeling the chill these days. An essay of how Scott Walker spent his Summer vacation would be best summed up by one Iowa Republican strategist who described Walker as having spent the Summer ; “on all three sides of every two-sided issue.” Walker’s Summer of Confusion is quickly heading into a Winter of GOP Voter Discontent.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The 1.5-ish term Governor was supposed to be the GOP’s golden child. The answer to Bush fatigue. The fresh face who would appeal to both the party’s base, and the GOP establishment. The petrochemical billionaire Koch brothers all but showed up on Walker’s door step with balloons and an oversized check for $500 million dollars, while the Fox News only viewing, Breitbart / WorldNet Daily reading masses of the GOP base were going to rally to Walker’s side, because of his fight against those lazy, socialist “Libtard” Unions who hate freedom… or… something …
When I met with Walker back last February here in London, he was calm, cool and very confident. Talking my ear off for over 20 minutes about how America needed rescuing, in the same way it did in 1980. Drawing clear parallels between himself and Ronald Reagan. He had the bearing of man convinced destiny was whispering his name.
Now six months later, Scott Walker looks like a beagle that was just whapped in the snout with rolled up newspaper. A newspaper with the headline- TRUMP! The remarkable fall of the GOP rising star is best chronicled by this insightful passage from a piece in The Guardian last week, on Scott Walker's Summer of no love.. -------------------------------- In theory, Walker should have been the most experienced, most natural and most effortless Republican candidate. Jeb Bush hasn’t run this decade; Ted Cruz only ran once; Chris Christie is dogged by corruption allegations; Rick Perry has the mental aptitude of two dogs in an overcoat; and Rand Paul was gifted his father’s movement and all his out-of-state donors but none of his charisma at talking about basing an international currency on stuff you dig out of the ground.
Walker should have been able to campaign circles around everyone else in the race. Instead, he’s getting his rear end handed to him by a meringue-haired hotelier and a political neophyte surgeon who speaks with the dizzy wonderment of someone trying to describe their dream from last night while taking mushrooms for the first time. -----------------
In the face of the Trump reality show circus, Walker made, (as the Donald would say..) a HUUUGE mistake. Rather than positioning himself as the principled grown up in the room, he tried to out crazy the Rodeo Clown.
When Trump promised to build a wall on the border with Mexico, what did Walker do? Speak to the challenges of balancing effective border controls with our Nation’s great legacy as a beacon for immigrants throughout our history? Nope. Seize the opportunity to cast himself as the heir to the Reagan legacy by saying the GOP is the party that tears down walls between people and opportunity, not builds them? Nope. Not even close.
Scott Walker decided to double down on nutty, and say he wanted to “look at” building a wall on the border with CANADA.. Wow… That’s different. I’ll give you that.
Let’s set aside Walker’s dismal record in Wisconsin. Let’s set aside his all but invisible performance in the first GOP candidates debate. Let’s even set aside Walker’s complete inability to function outside of the Conservative media bubble, and how every time he is pressed for coherent answer on policy positions, he either “punts”, or drools out an answer so twisted and convoluted, that his campaign has to spend most of the next week either walking it back or “clarifying what the Governor meant to say…” None of that is Walker’s core problem.
Walker’s biggest problem is, he believed his own hype. Wisconsin is not an electoral bellwether for Presidential politics. His success in Wisconsin was largely due to the Karl Rove playbook of divide enough people to win just enough votes to get elected. Walker’s victory in the Wisconsin recall election had far more to do with the disorganized sack of cats that was his democratic opposition, than support for his policies as Governor.
For Wisconsin conservatives, the effort to recall Walker was a personal attack on them. So they fought back like it was personal. Conversely the Democrats, mired themselves in a bitter primary battle, resulting in a message that basically was “Walker..BAD!” but pretty much stopped there.
The resulting victory gave Walker a belief in his own electoral invincibility. A belief that right wing floggers in think tanks and on talk radio stoked with rhetoric of how Walker was the candidate who could “take on the left and win as an unapologetic conservative! " The problem is that hypothesis has not stood up to real world testing. When faced with more than softball questions from gushing Fox News hosts Walker crumbles. When baited from the far right, he takes the bait.
So as this Summer comes to an end, Scott Walker has ended up looking less viable as a Presidential candidate than... Donald Trump. Ouch. Republican friends of mine who have pinned their hopes for a second Reagan Revolution on Walker, are cheerfully insisting it’s still way to early to write any political epitaphs . They are sure the Trump balloon with run out of hot air and fade away. It may well be that they are correct. But that isn’t the real problem here.
The real problem is Walker as a candidate is simply not up the to the task. When your belief in your own electability comes primarily from weeks of hiding in your office in the State Capitol taking prank phone calls frompeople pretending to be David Koch, and giving interviews to Sean Hannity where you say teachers, fire-fighters and nurses are greedy and out of touch; the real problem isn’t Donald Trump. It’s Scott Walker who is the Walker campaign's worst enemy.
As far as the good citizens of Wisconsin are concerned, I would point out there is a silver lining in the collapse of Walker's presidential ambitions. Yes, it means that Scott Walker will have to come home at some point, but. It spares Wisconsin two horrifying words...
Its been an interesting couple of weeks. First the Boy Scouts of America ended it's ban of LGBT adults volunteering in the program. It is far too soon to say exactly what this means for Scouting organizationally in the long term. But for me, it means I can once again give of my time, and talents to an movement that played a crucial role in making me the person I am today.
I left Scouting after "coming out". At the time I believed that I would never be able to go back. Not just because of the membership Policies at the time, but I just assumed that for many of my friends in Scouting, this one truth about me would be a bridge too far, and they would most likely find ways to slip quickly and quietly out of my life.
For the record.. It turns out, I'm an idiot.
I am blessed with friends who are much smarter than I am. Who either already knew/guessed why I had left and never stayed in touch and were quietly waiting for me to get a clue. Or when they did find out, rightly called me a complete and utter doofus for thinking it would ever affect our friendship. That isn't to say there weren't some people for whom whom it did. There are friends I have lost. Some I will confess, were not a surprise, but some very much were. Yet at end of the day, the loss serves as remainder that the choice to live honestly doesn't come without risk, or cost, and reminds me to cherish what I have gained, all the more.
By comparison , my own journey out of the closet was remarkably anti-climatic. After a childhood, adolescence and young adulthood of living every day gripped with fear that coming out would destroy my life; I just pretty much got over it. Okay... I'll admit, it wasn't THAT simple...
It would be a journey that would lead me to move to the other side of the world in hopes that putting a crazy amount of distance between me and my "old life" (i.e. all the friends and family I had known and had up to that point), would give me the space I needed to come to terms with who I was, and what I really wanted in life.
In truth, it did help. My time living and working in Asia was a turning point in my road to self acceptance. Its where I would finally look in the mirror and say those two terrifying words: "I'm Gay" without expecting the sky itself to come crashing down on my head, Its where I would fall in love, and get my heart broken, and healed for the first time. (by the way JDM, If I never told you , thank you...)
Yet after returning to the U.S., in terms of having the all dramatic "coming out moment" with my parents, they kinda beat me to it. They had figured things out long before I was ready to talk to them about it. And as they have done all through my life, they did what they do best; They patiently, (ok... very patiently), waited for me to be ok ... with me, All the while making it clear that they already were.
I am ridiculously lucky in that My Parents are the two most remarkable people I have ever known. They have mastered the three key arts of parenting; They love unconditionally, they teach and mentor constantly , and yes, when called for, they criticize strategically. Their love and encouragement for Eric and I on our journey from insane long distance relationship, to our life together as a married couple was a key support structure for both us.
Then today, my blackberry, (yes I still use a blackberry, you iPhone/android hippies got a problem with that??), buzzed notifying me that I had an email from my dad. I assumed it was just to set a time for our weekly Skype video call we usually have on Sunday nights.
Instead, what was in the mail was this picture, from Madison Wisconsin's LGBT Pride Celebration. A celebration that I have never been to, and as kid growing up there, I never thought I could ever attend. Leave it to my parents to once again, beat me to it, and get there before me.
My parents have always gone out of their way to let me know they are proud me. Today its high time I made up for lost time and did the same.Thank You Mom and Dad. I love you both so much and being your son, is the greatest gift and blessing I could have ever hoped for.
He who serves his fellows, is of all his fellows greatest….
This week has been one where I have “servant leadership” on the brain. Its a tricky topic in this day and age. Striking many as more than a little bit old fashioned. As I sit here in Manchester England (I am here on a two day business trip, I’ll head back to London later today...) On the other side of the world at Michigan State University, over 15,000 members of the Boy Scouts of America, who are members of an honor society known as the Order of the Arrow have gathered to celebrate the organization’s centennial at their National Conference (NOAC).
Back in 1915 two men, Dr. E. Urner Goodman, and Col. Carrol A. Edson were running a Summer Camp for Boy Scouts at Treasure Island, just outside of Philadelphia Pennsylvania . As the Summer progressed, they wanted to come up with a way to recognize young men who exemplified the idea of “cheerful service”, of going above and beyond the norm of what was expected in being both an example to, and a servant –leader of their fellow campers.
Moreover, they wanted to make that recognition something special. Something that would be both and meaningful and forward facing. Meaning, it would both recognize and motivate those who were honoured, to dedicate themselves all the more to the idea of serving others. To achieve this, the two men drew heavily on their Masonic background to create and induction process that would embody and emphasize the core principles of this new honor society; Brotherhood, Cheerfulness and Service.
Additionally, they decided that the decision of choosing who would receive the honor of membership in this new group would be made by non-members. Election to the Order would be something bestowed on you by your peers, not something you campaigned for. 100 years later, The Order of the Arrow has grown from a creative idea to recognize and inspire campers and staff at one Summer camp, into American Boy Scouting’s national honor society with over 180,000 current active members and hundreds of thousands of alumni spanning the globe. The OA counts among its ranks, Presidents, members of Congress, Astronauts, CEO’s Generals, Admirals, Cabinet members and Hollywood icons.
Consequently , the OA has often been regarded (as many fraternal organizations are..) as some sort of “secret society”. While untrue, the assumption is understandable. To ensure that new members going through their induction in the future do not have their experience lessened or spoiled, some aspects are safeguarded as confidential. This Allows the Order of the Arrow, to utilizes mystery as a tool in its induction process. Yet the OA will never withhold information from any person legitimately interested in investigating its nature, purpose, or methods of the organization.
The mission and focus of the Order of the Arrow has grown over the past century and includes areas such as environmental responsibility, promoting the protection, sustainable use and conservation of the outdoor camping environments in which the Order was founded. The ArrowCorps Program provides hundreds of volunteer hours annually. Yet the Order's core purpose is and has always been, this idea of servant leadership. Or “Cheerful Service” to others.
Programs to achieve this include the aforementioned National Order of the Arrow Conference (NOAC), held every two years and happening this week at Michigan State University.
Also, the OA regularly runs National Leadership Seminars (NLS). A two day conference focused on the skills and attributes of leadership. The program enhances the leadership skills of the members as they seek to improve their services to the Boy Scouts of America and the greater communities in which they live.
The NLS complements other week-long, more detailed leadership programs for both youth and adults in Scouting. The NLS prepares members to become better leaders both within and outside of Scouting program. It is an outcome I can attest to, first hand. From 1987 to 1992 I taught sessions as part of the staff of more than 20 National Leadership Seminars at both the Regional and National level .
It is not an overstatement to say, my experiences in Scouting, but more specifically in the Order of Arrow, are largely responsible for my more than twenty year career in organizational learning and leadership development, that has spanned the US, Europe and Asia.
There is not a day when I am not able to apply the principles instilled me as a member of the Order of the Arrow in both my personal and professional life. My experiences as an “Arrowman” both influenced and informed key choices I have made, and have also given me some of the greatest friendships I have in my life.
So to my friends, and fellow “Brothers” (and more than one Sister as well... ) in the Order of the Arrow, happy 100th birthday. Here’s to the next century of service, friendship and fellowship.
I have watched the current unfolding collective melt down on the American social and political Right, with a mixture of amusement and disgust. The Republican Party, and along with it, the broader conservative movement in the United States; faced with a reality that doesn’t even remotely support their talking points, has instead, opted to wallow in delusion.
After years of using the idea of LGBT civil rights as an effective wedge issue, the American Right Wing just can’t bear the idea that those days are over. Unable to accept the reality of a generational shift on civil rights issues; they instead opt to stamp their feet and regurgitate the same nonsensical arguments that bigots in the 1960's spewed against interracial marriage. Declaring that clearly, legalized polygamy and bestiality are coming next. A bit of "reasoning" by which you could say that freedom of the religion in the US will lead to inquisitions, witch burnings and Sharia Law.
All while GOP Presidential contenders make ridiculous promises to amend the U.S. Constitution to strip civil rights from all those icky Gay people they have been telling their base for decades, they are supposed to hate. An amendment that will never happen but again, for American Conservatives the delusion is so much more comforting than facing reality.
After decades of completely ignoring the issue of Health Care disparity in the United States. Followed by desperate attempts to block, derail, overturn then just flat out demonize the Affordable Care Act; The American Right has opted to just pretend the facts don’t exist. To sit in the bubble of Fox News and the right-wing blogosphere and parrot false talking points that the AFA is a “job killer” and millions of Americans have somehow lost health insurance .
The fact that the reality is exactly the opposite is too uncomfortable for conservatives to face. It is much more comforting for them to hear candidates make ridiculous promises to “repeal Obamacare on day one!”
The delusion that conservatives are “standing up for freedom” by trying to take health insurance away from millions of Americans, is more comforting than accepting the reality that the black man in the White House did something good.
Now in the face a historic agreement that blocks all possible pathways for Iran to develop a nuclear weapon, the American Right once again has opted to embrace delusion over facts. An alternate reality where all the world’s leading experts on nuclear technology and proliferation can’t possibly be more knowledgeable than Rush Limbaugh and the talking heads of Fox & Friends.
Where cheering a GOP candidate's delusional schoolboy threats to start another war in the middle east “on day one”, is more comforting than facing the reality that under this President, American diplomacy works.
The prevailing opinion here in Europe is that American Conservatives. WANT a war with Iran. Either purely for fun and profit (Hello KBR and United Defence,... shall we all take a look at who your major stockholders are again? ). Or because they are still angry at Jimmy Carter for being a big peacenik hippie and denying them a war with Iran back in 1979.
Or because American evangelical conservatives think if we can just start a big enough war in the Middle East, it will bring Jeebus back and they'll all get raptured to some big all inclusive resort in the sky.
I used to try to counter the alternate fact free reality of American Conservatives. Recently a couple of conservative friends of mine posted on Facebook a link claiming CA Senator Diane Feinstein “said” American Veterans were to blame for their own PTSD. I responded , posting a link to fact checking site debunking the false story,
I then went on to point out that in the latest congressional scorecard from Disabled Veterans of America, (rating members of the House and Senate on their support of veterans issues;) Feinstein scored 100% and their Senator (WI Republican Ron Johnson) had scored 0%. The response from one of them was a curt “thanks for the information”, yet he kept the link to the false story posted, and then promptly "unfriended" me from his Facebook profile. I guess facts that don’t support right wing talking points are too uncomfortable to face.
Instead we have a delusion-based parallel universe where Donald Trump is the front runner for the Republican Presidential nomination. Where republicans who attacked Senator John Kerry’s heroic service in Vietnam, are shocked when Trump does the exact same thing to Senator John McCain. Where a former half-term Governor of Alaska, who claimed she could see Russia from her house, is treated by Fox News as a more credible expert on foreign affairs than the former Secretary of State.
The American Conservative movement now lives in a state of near permanent denial; where a man born in Hawaii can’t possibly be a real American, where reducing the deficit by nearly half, is claimed to be “tripling the deficit” Where spending two thirds less time on vacation than your predecessor makes you “the golfing President”. Where seven straight years of private sector job growth, is an example of having “wrecked the economy”. The list goes on.. and on...
So like many Americans, I am done trying to have the conversation. So instead I’m opting to live in the real world. A world where my marriage doesn’t impact anyone else’s, where science has more weight than ideology, where the effective use of American diplomatic power is preferable to just staring yet another war in the Middle East, for fun and profit.
Thankfully, it's also a real world where I truly believe the overall majority of Americans live. As the Cirque d'Insanity of the 2016 election cycle gets underway, it is imperative that those of us who do live in the real world, call out the delusions on the Right.
That way we can make sure the only way any of the current occupants of the GOP Presidential Candidate clown car will ever see the inside of the White House, is by taking the pubic tour.
In the wake of Friday's historic US Supreme Court ruling, legalizing same sex marriage across all 50 states, the collective freak out on the social conservative right wing in the United States as been epic. If you want a great recap of the assorted wailing and gnashing of teeth, by all means head over to Joe Jervis' brilliant blog JoeMyGod, for a recap.
My favourite though, was the American Family Association's delightful spokes-bigot Bryan Fischer who managed to invoke the death of Buddy Holly, Pearl Harbor, and the Attacks of September 11th during his colossal twitter meltdown.
I get a real kick out of all the Attack on Marriage" rhetoric. Always when the subject of equal rights for gay and lesbian couples is part of our national discourse conservative evangelicals always claim it is an "attack" on marriage and the family. So I decided to look up the word `attack' in the dictionary. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines it as:
Attack Pronunciation: &-'tak Function: verb Etymology: Middle French attaquer, from (assumed) transitive senses. 1 : to set upon or work against forcefully 2 : to assail with unfriendly or bitter words 3 : to begin to affect or to act on injuriously 4 : to set to work on 5 : to threaten (a piece in chess) with immediate capture intransitive senses : to make an attack 6: the act or action of setting upon with force or violence
Hmmm… to set upon or work against forcefully huh? Ok, so if we take the arguments being shrieked on the Right seriously, The SCOTUS running last Friday giving gay couples the same rights as straight couples, not more rights, not any new rights that straight couples do not currently have, but only the exact same rights, is going to injure, damage and potentially even destroy heterosexual marriages and families.
Wow. I guess I only have one question then. How? Does Marriage Equality marriage mean that straight couples have now lost any of the 1,100 federal benefits and protections that they had before last Friday? Does marriage equality now mean straight couples can’t file joint tax returns, have, adopt or raise children, pass on social security survivor benefits, or make medical decisions for each
other? Does the legalization of marriage for gays and lesbians mean that straight people can no longer marry each other and instead must get “SCOTUS Gay Married"? Does it mean those who are presently married must now get divorced?
In other words; Have the marriages or families of any heterosexual changed in any way as a result of last Friday’s court decision?
The answer is, no of course not. But when faced with these facts , the right wing nuto-sphere spews back three basic arguments. The first, is the claim that God says being gay is sinful because the bible say! So Gays want to destroy Christianity. So how does that square with the fact that so many LGBT activists ARE Christian?
Funny how people who say the United States should be theocracy where church rules the state are very selective in their piety. Gay Marriage? Hell No! But divorce? No problem. Yet the Bible says clearly that divorce should be a criminal offense. ( The fifty percent of heterosexual couples that avail themselves of divorce I am sure are thankful this is not the case.) Yet you never see Bryan Fischer or any of his ilk truly following the bible they love to so selectively cite . A fact brilliantly illustrated in a now famous scene from the TV series "The West Wing".
The second response was even more fun. An oldie but a goodie... Allowing gay marriage will now lead to polygamy, bestiality, pedophile marriages, and who knows what else. Yet civil marriage is and has only ever been about two and ONLY two consenting adults of no direct family relation. Find me the person who truly wants to marry their dog, and for that matter, find me a dog who is over 18 years old, can read and then sign a marriage application and can then say the words "I do". If Shaggy and Scoobie show up at the Vegas wedding chapel, then this argument might be worth taking seriously.
The third response to last Friday's ruling legalizing gay marriage is actually a bit more honest on their part. Conservative evangelicals say that gay marriage cheapens or lessens the value of the institution of marriage in the eyes of society. But since none of the marriage rights or benefits that straight couples enjoy have changed now that same sex couples are able to marry, what opponents of equality are really saying is that letting gay couples marry cheapens their straight marriages in their eyes. Letting gays and lesbians get married means they now have a right that until Friday, only heterosexuals had. And that makes them mad.
It's not just that these people are upset that LGBT Americans now have equal marriage rights, they are upset that gays and lesbians have any rights at all. They see equal rights for everyone as an attack on them.
That's interesting. Even though heterosexual marriage clearly has not changed in ANY way, some people firmly believes that marriage has now lost value, status and might even come to an end, because gay couples are now able to marry. It suddenly occurred to me there is another word for someone who is irrationally fixed on the artificial preservation of inequality that they feel is in their
favor. Merriam-Webster's dictionary has the same word for it.
Bigot Pronunciation: 'bi-g&t Function: noun Etymology: Middle French, hypocrite, bigot 1: a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices
This small group of even smaller minds, are angry about losing what they feel is superiority that is due them. They want to take their religious beliefs and codify them into civil law, then force them on the rest of us. The fact that the US Supreme Court said no, has caused many of them to lose their minds.
With those simple yet moving words, Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing for the 5 justice majority of the US Supreme Court, affirmed the idea that equal protection under the law, is not limited to some Americans. But rather, is true for all Americans.
I remember when I was a child, watching the movie The Sound of Music on television. When it would get to the scene late in the film where Maria and Captain Von Trapp get married in the grandeur of the Salzburg Cathedral; I always wondered why the nuns had to stay behind a locked iron gate in the back of the church, and were not allowed to attend the wedding with everybody else.
I remember asking my Mom at the time "What did the Nuns do wrong? Why are they in Jail?" Laughing, my Mother replied that Nuns were not allowed to get married, that they were "married to the church". At the time I really didn't understand the concept of being married to a church, but over the years that followed, I would come to understand all to well the idea of not being "able" to get married.
"...and they lived, happily ever after." Think of all the stories, plays, movies, songs, poems and even paintings, where that idea; Living happily ever after with the person you love, marrying the person you love, was exclusively the domain of boy meets girl. The coming out experience for LGBT people is as unique as each individual who goes through it. Yet there are some commonalities. One of the most common, is the moment when you looked at world around you, and became resigned to the idea of marrying the person you love and living happily ever after ...was not ever going to be in your future.
As someone who was Gay, I was convinced of this. I thought, I may as well just hang out with Nuns locked behind the iron gates. Marriage, was not something I would ever be allowed to share. Or so I thought... Now years later, I can say that there is incredible joy in being proved so completely wrong.
In a week when I recently wrote a blog asking "What is wrong with America?". Today we see what is so completely right with America. E Pluribus Unum. Out of Many, One. The idea that America is never finished. We are always and forever a work in progress. Far more potential than presently realised. Forever expanding the idea that we all created equal, endowed by our creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That is what the United States Supreme Court did today. Defended and expanded that Jeffersonian ideal, that. American ideal. That my love, is as valid is yours. That the life that my husband and I build together, is as valid and worthy of affirmation as yours. That our family is as part of the fabric of America as yours. My country, that on September 21, 1996 passed the odious "Defence of Marriage Act", a law that fifteen years later, would force me to leave my country and move the UK just to be with my spouse; Today, on June 26, 2015, that same country finally stepped out of that shadow and on to the right side of history.
To those who decry this progress and are filling the airwaves and internet with bile and vitriol, to you I say, I am sorry. Sorry that you have so little faith in the country you so loudly say that you love. Sorry that you see freedom and equality as zero sum propositions.
But mostly I am sorry you have so completely failed to understand both the nation in which you live, and religious faith you claim to profess. Today is a very GOOD day for America, and this weekend in cities all over the world, there will be one amazing party. I am sorry you are too afraid to step out of those shadows and join us in celebrating what truly is a victory for all Americans.
There will plenty of time in the weeks to come to analyse and debate the events of today and what it means for the United States, but for now, even here in London we will celebrate this latest chapter in the American story.
Happy Pride Weekend everyone, and God Bless America.
I met a good friend of mine for coffee yesterday in Central London. She is also an American who married a Brit, and has lived here for nearly two decades. As we were catching up on the details of each other's lives, families etc; the subject of moving back to the United States, came up.
I moved here to the UK, because at the time of our wedding, it was not possible for me to sponsor Eric to move to the US. This was due to legalized discrimination against same sex couples through the Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA). I have blogged extensively over the years detailing how DOMA has impacted our lives, if you want a refresher you can read some it here.
But with Supreme Court ruling in the Windsor case, the court over turned the provision of DOMA that barred federal recognition of our marriage, clearing the way for me to sponsor Eric for immigration to the United States, just as he had sponsored my immigration to the United Kingdom. Thus prompting the occasional question about returning to the United States.
Eric and I have always had the assumption that one day we will move back to the US. With all of my family, and some of his there, it just seemed like a logical eventuality. So consequently when horrific mass shootings like the one this week at an African American Church in Charleston, South Carolina, happen in America, I struggle to answer the question my husband invariably asks me as we watch the news...
"What is wrong with America...?"
Each time I honestly struggle to answer that question. You see, my husband is a very intelligent and sensible person, so when he reads the full text of the 2nd Amendment to the United States Constitution, like anyone who can read and comprehend written words, he fails to see how a "well regulated militia" means anyone can have any kind of gun and as many guns as they want. He also fails to understand Americans who don't decry the shootings, but instead, froth at the mouth with nonsensical ravings in response to ANY attempt to address the KEY ISSUE that helps facilitate these horrific crimes; the American FETISH with guns.
I think part of this stems from the fact that we live in the United Kingdom, a nation that doesn't have these kinds of mass shootings. Crimes that in America are now commonplace. A fact that was not lost on President Obama when he spoke yesterday.
Almost immediately on the American Cultural right-wing, came the shrill hysterical cries of "Obama is coming for your Guns!!" And right wing nut jobs like Alex Jones, claiming that this shooting may have been actually planned and carried out BY the Obama Administration as a "false flag attack " to use as pretext for declaring martial law , and "taking everyone's guns away" Why? To disarm white people for the coming "socialist race war" .. Oh of course, why else?
If you can stomach 7 seconds of racist, paranoid delusional hate, feel free to watch Alex Jones in action, yesterday.
So when I get asked by rational intelligent people , "What is wrong with America...?" I honestly don't know what to say. But I do know what I don't want to hear...
I don't want to hear or read comments on how this tragedy would have been averted if the parishioners at the Charleston A.M.E. church had been carrying guns, so don't write them, I won't post them. I don't want to read mindless pap that says "guns don't kill, people do", because only an idiot can't see how having such easy access to the gun in the first place helps make horrors like this possible. So don't bother writing it. I won't post it
If you say you believe that more guns are the answer , you are wrong, and you know it, you just are not honest enough to admit it.
I don't want to hear perverse misinterpretations of the 2nd Amendment . Spare me the Alex Jones/Fox News/Matt Drudge BS that stricter controls on guns wouldn't have helped prevent this. When in 2014, the total number of Gun related deaths (accidental and otherwise,) in the UK was 58, and in the US it is was over 10,000, regurgitated NRA propaganda just makes whoever is spewing it look heartless and stupid. So spare yourselves the embarrassment , and turn your computer off and for now, just be quiet.
One of the commonalities of the expatriate experience is you often find yourself defending your home country in casual conversation. Yet lately I have had to admit that were we to move back to the US, and I don't mean to Chicago, or San Francisco. I mean even if we were to move to Madison, Wisconsin, (population : 233,209) the beautiful city where I was born, and grew up; The likelihood of one of us being a victim of gun related violence, is nearly ten times greater than it is living in here London, a city of over 8 million people.
I love my country. I am proud to say that I am an American. I have travelled, lived and worked in may other places around the world, In Europe and Asia. Yet there is no other nation I would have wanted to be born a citizen of. I truly believe the greatness of the United States is, and will always be our diversity. E Pluribus Unum... Out of many, One.
Yet the fact remains. There IS something very wrong with America. When these horrific crimes of mass murder are somehow accepted as the price America has to pay for our "right to bear arms", then clearly that right has been perverted and twisted into something the founding fathers never intended. America suffers from an illness, an addiction to guns that kills thousands of our fellow Americans every year. An addiction that kills more Americans than Al Qaida, ISISL or any other terrorist group.
Until we as a nation can honestly come to terms with that fact, the death toll will only continue to climb.
Rather than try to explain the joyous gift to comedians everywhere, that the Republican Party unwrapped yesterday... I'll just let Jon Stewart take it from here...
There is a God of Comedy, and he LOVES Jon Stewart!
June is LGBT Pride month in many cities around the world. So as the rainbow flags fly along Market Street in downtown San Francisco, on the Social Conservative Right wing, something else springs up as well. The annual debate on why are Gay Pride celebrations acceptable but. "Straight Pride" celebrations are not.
This year in particular we are seeing some remarkable reactions to the recent advances in LGBT civil rights, especially in the United States. But certainly the US is not alone in having its share of folks who are convinced that equal rights for people they don't like is somehow an attack on them. An Australian couple are so upset at the idea of possible marriage equality for Gays Lesbians that they have publicly threatened to divorce should same sex marriage become legal down under. (hat tip to joemygod..)
Nick Jensen, who posed with his wife Sarah on the cover of the latest issue of Canberra CityNews, writes of the Christian couple’s decision to end their marriage under the headline, “Gay law change may force us to divorce”.
"My wife and I just celebrated our 10-year anniversary. But later this year, we may be getting a divorce. The decision to divorce is not one we’ve taken lightly. And certainly, it’s not one that many will readily understand. And that’s because it’s not a traditional divorce. Our view is that marriage is a fundamental order of creation. Part of God’s human history. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman before a community in the sight of God. And marriage of any couple is important to God regardless of whether that couple recognises God’s involvement or authority in it."
- Nick Jansen, writing for Canberra's City News. Jansen adds that he and his future ex-wife will continue to live together.
It's very easy to laugh at wackjobs like the Jansens, or the various American Talabangelicals who are shrieking hysterically how an anticipated US Supreme Court ruling on Same Sex marriage will result in nothing less than some sort of Gay, Nazi... apocalypse.
Setting aside the fact that allowing same sex couples the same legal rights as opposite sex couples doesn't impact Bryan Fischer's life in any way. Fischer and his assorted ilk in the social conservative wingnutosphere are doing all they can to flog the talking point that giving equal rights to Gay people is somehow taking rights away from them.
Which brings us back to annual debate over the merits of LGBT Pride celebrations. It's a debate that rages both inside and outside the broader LGBTQ-XYZ123-whatever-else-you-want-to-add-on... community. Inside the community the question always gets asked ; does some of the imagery of Pride celebrations hurt the cause of equal rights? In addition, this year in the wake of significant legal victories for LGBT rights, especially around an expected SCOTUS ruling legalizing Marriage Equality for the whole US; Some are asking do we even need pride celebrations anymore?
While on the other side of the debate , critics and opponents love to point to that same imagery as evidence of Gay folks wanting "special rights", and then pull out their favorite chestnut, of asking why are Gay Pride Celebrations acceptable but Straight Pride celebrations are not? The debate is also in full swing on social media. With some people adopting a straight "pride logo" as a response to rainbow flag or red and white equal signs.
Seriously?? It's like asking why isn't there a "White History Month". It's always interesting to see people who have never faced discrimination based on their sexual orientation, claim any sort of recognition of the dignity of people who have faced that discrimination , is somehow an attack on them.
I think a fundamental question here is what is the actual purpose of Gay Pride celebrations in 2015? Is it "celebrating" being LGBT? Is it (as it was originally), a protest to fight bigotry and discrimination? Or is it a bit of both? In truth, Pride celebrations are more than all that. They are a message. Sent to those who are not actually there attending those celebrations.
I remember the first Pride event I ever attended. It was Chicago's pride parade in 1998. I had recently moved to Chicago, and had not yet had the "coming out talk" with my own family. I lived on the North side of in the city in the Lakeview neighbourhood. An area known as "Boystown". As it was centre of Chicago's LGBT Community.
My reasons for attending the parade that day were not to "celebrate" the fact that I was a Gay man, who finally had come to terms with my own sexuality; But rather to do for someone else what Pride participants years past had done for me. Send a clear and very public message that being who you are is ok, and there really was life outside the "closet."
The truth is, Pride celebrations are not for the people who attend them. Instead they are for the people who cannot attend them. Growing up as a Gay kid in a small town in South Central Wisconsin, there were times when I was convinced I was the only gay person on Earth. The constant message from popular culture, religion, family and peer groups was "boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married (or not) and have kids (or not) and live happily ever after". There was no happily ever after for someone who felt what I was feeling.
Then, in June, I would turn on the TV News and see thousands of people... just like me, in places like New York, San Francisco and Chicago saying "No, that's not true, you are not alone, and there is a big wide world out here beyond Sun Prairie Wisconsin. So hang in there .... we're here and we're waiting for you!"
So "straight pride" isn't bigoted, it's just silly. No straight kid growing up was told that being heterosexual was evil, or that God was going to send them to hell, for wanting to be happy and fall in love. Growing up, how many books, songs, television programs, and movies did you see that featured straight couples meeting, falling in love and living happily ever after? Pretty much all of them. Ask someone who is Gay and was born before say... 1990, how many positive images in popular culture they had growing up that affirmed who they are? The answer is, none, or at best few, if any at all.
To my Straight friends, I have to ask, how many times have "respected" public figures, politicians, pundits and clergy gone on national television demanding that everyone be given the chance to VOTE on your civil rights? How often has someone told you that not being able to discriminate against you was somehow an attack on them? When was the last time you heard a member of the Supreme Court saying that simply by being allowed to exist, you were "an attack" on the moral fibre of America?
Anyone?? Yeah...I didn't think so... I have a flash of the obvious for you, every month is "Straight Pride Month."Saying LGBT people are human too, isn't an attack on straight people.
My straight friends never needed to be told that being straight was okay, and that they were okay because nobody ever told them they weren't. Pride isn't about celebrating being Gay, it's about publicly showing that being LGBT is just as much a part of the human experience as being straight is. I for one would love to see the day when Pride is obsolete. When that scared closeted kid, doesn't need to be told that he or she is fine just the way they are.
But until that day comes, my husband and I will be adding our voices to the joyous mob in places like Market Street in San Francisco, Oxford Street and Trafalgar Square here in London, Halsted Street in Chicago and Fifth Avenue in New York City. If for no other reason to let that kid know, it really does get better. There is a world where "boy meets boy" and "girl meets girl", where they fall in love and (if they want to) get married, and yes, even live happily ever after...
Then it was up early on Saturday to head over to London’s O2 Arena to hear a lecture by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Speaking to a fairly packed arena for nearly two hours on the subject of compassion. Followed by a very interesting Question & Answer session led by Daniel Goldman, author of the book “Emotional Intelligence”
