Truth Worth Sharing...

California based speaker and consultant Marc Puckett, recently posted this on LinkedIn.  It's worth sharing.

It doesn’t happen all at once.
There’s no announcement, no warning, no moment where life taps you on the shoulder and tells you:

“Look closely… things are changing.”

It happens quietly.

You’re busy — working, raising kids, paying bills, rushing through days that feel too short.
And then one afternoon, you go home to visit your parents…
and something soft inside you shifts.

You notice the small things first:

Your father gets up from the couch a little slower.
Your mother asks you to repeat something she once would’ve heard clearly.
The house feels the same —
but the people inside are aging gently, silently.

You notice they hold the railing when they go downstairs.
They double-check the locks before bed.
They sit more than they stand.
They nap more.
They walk a little closer together.

You realize things you never thought about before:

Who changes the lightbulbs now?
Who carries the heavy groceries?
Who helps them understand the new phone they’re afraid to break?

And suddenly, the roles you’ve always known start shifting.

The hands that raised you
now tremble when pouring tea.
The voices that soothed you
now need reassurance themselves.
The people who once felt invincible
now feel beautifully, heartbreakingly human.

You begin to understand something deeper:

Growing older isn’t just happening to them —
it’s happening to you, too.
And love starts to look different.

It becomes:

• driving them to appointments
• fixing things they didn’t want to ask help for
• listening to stories you’ve already heard
• staying a little longer instead of rushing out
• calling even when you’re tired
• appreciating all the little sacrifices you once overlooked

Because now you finally see it:

Your parents aren’t just aging.
They’re winding down a chapter they spent decades writing —
a chapter filled with you.

And the quiet truth is this:

They won’t say it out loud,
but they’re hoping you’ll walk through their door a little more often.
Not to fix anything.
Not to bring anything.

Just to be there.

To sit.
To talk.
To laugh.
To listen.
To remind them that they’re still needed…
still valued…
still loved.

One day, you’ll realize these are the visits that matter most.
Because time moves fast.
But moments with aging parents?
Those are the memories that stay soft forever.

Love them while you still have them.

What a Scout is Not....

If you have ever been involved in the Boy Scouts  (Now rebranded as Scouting America) you may remember reciting the Scout Law.  A twelve point list of the character traits Scouting seeks to instill in Youth.    The law begins with the phrase  "A Scout is..." 

 Two years ago, I received a wonderful alumni recognition award from a part of the Scouting America organization I have been involved with for many years. It supports American youth who live overseas with their families, both with U.S. Military and regular civilian expats. For years the focus of the Youth in the program was largely US Military dependents and so there was a very close and cooperative relationship between Scouting and the Department of Defense, supporting the morale and welfare of American families stationed overseas.

Attending a conference in Frankfurt, Germany where I received the alumni award, I was with many members of the military who are involved in the Scouting program. A good number of them were expressing their hope that Donald Trump and the GOP would win the 2024 election. Lamenting how logistical support for Scout programs overseas by the US military MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) division  had in their perception, been reduced under the Obama and Biden Administrations, and expressing their belief that a 2nd Trump administration would reverse that trend.

This past week it was reported by National Public Radio that Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth wants to end the century-old partnership between the U.S. military and Scouting. Pushing for the military to sever all ties with Scouting America, saying the group once known as the Boy Scouts is no longer a meritocracy and has become an organization designed to "attack boy-friendly spaces," according to documents reviewed by NPR.

In a draft memo to Congress, which sources shared with NPR but which has not yet been sent, Hegseth criticizes Scouting for being "genderless" and for promoting diversity, equity and inclusion. The NPR Reporting goes on to say the military has provided support to the Scouts for more than 100 years, assistance that was formalized in 1937. But in one memo, Hegseth says, "The organization once endorsed by President Theodore Roosevelt no longer supports the future of American boys."
 

The proposal calls for the Pentagon to no longer provide medical and logistical aid to the National Jamboree, which brings in as many as 20,000 scouts to a remote site in West Virginia. It also states that the military will no longer allow Scout troops to meet at military installations in the U.S. and abroad, where many bases have active Scout programs.

Congress requires the Pentagon to support the scouting program's Jamboree, a gathering of thousands of young scouts held every three or four years. 

The U.S. military lends trucks, ambulances and medical teams, and puts on aviation and skydiving demonstrations, all at no cost to the Scouts. For the military, it's both a training exercise and an opportunity to recruit highly motivated, civic-minded kids.

But the law includes an exemption: the Secretary of Defense can withhold support if he determines providing it would be "detrimental to national security." Drafts of a report to Congress obtained by NPR show Hegseth invoking that clause — accusing Scouting America of fostering "gender confusion."  His memo to the House and Senate Armed Services committees argues the Scouts have strayed from their mission to "cultivate masculine values." 

It also claims that with international conflicts and a tight budget, sending troops, doctors and vehicles to a 10-day youth event would harm national security by diverting resources from border operations and protecting U.S. territory.

Seriously?  Support for the National Scout Jamboree somehow will leave Americas borders wide open to God know what??  Ok then….

 I will for the moment, resist the urge to find those individuals who two years ago were pining for a 2nd Act for Donald Trump and scream at them; “SO? IS THIS WHAT YOU VOTED FOR??” at the top of my lungs. Instead, let’s dispel a few myths that tend to surround this conversation. The biggest actually coming from the Left side of the political spectrum. That Scouting is in cahoots with the military to indoctrinate America’s youth into becoming  brownshirt stormtroopers for Conservative American imperialism.

Uh, No. Not even remotely. And anyone who has ever actually BEEN in Scouting will tell you Scouting is and has always been a nonpartisan organization. 

Over more than a century, Scouting has worked constructively with every U.S. presidential administration — Democratic and Republican — focusing on building future leaders grounded in integrity, responsibility, and community service.   On the right side of this particular campsite the myth is that Scouting is supposed be some sort of he-man training program to “cultivate masculine values”. 

So it is worth taking a look at what Pete Hegseth and his boss consider to be those values. 

 Lets start with Pete “Warrior Ethos” Hegseth.   Pete Hegseth secretly paid a financial settlement to a woman who had accused him of raping her in 2017, But Hegseth's record before becoming a full-time Fox News TV host, in 2017, bears examination:

A trail of documents, corroborated by the accounts of former colleagues, indicates that Hegseth was forced to step down by both of the two nonprofit advocacy groups that he ran—Veterans for Freedom and Concerned Veterans for America—in the face of serious allegations of financial mismanagement, sexual impropriety, and personal misconduct.

In a separate letter of complaint, from 2015  a different former employee described Hegseth being at a bar in the early-morning hours of May 29, 2015, while on an official tour through Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, drunkenly chanting “Kill All Muslims! Kill All Muslims!”

So apparently misogyny , bigotry racism and drunkenness are core "values" for Hegseth.  

Then we have Pete's boss.  Donald Trump  who incidentally as  President of the United States is also the honorary President of Scouting America.    Over the years Presidents have spoken at the National Scout Jamboree in that capacity,  both in person, or by pre-recorded video.   In 2017, when it was Donald Trump's turn to address thousands of America's young people gathered in West Virginia what did he have to say? Trump spent several minutes rambling about trophy wives,  his electoral victory and attacking  his predecessor.

Apparently values like civic duty, helping others,  and being a good citizen were not important enough to find their way into Trump's remarks. 

 

I am not going to post any of the video from that speech, you can find it online yourself if you want to relive the rantings of narcissistic sociopath. It was beyond embarrassing. It was an insult to everything Scouting is supposed to stand for.  So we have two individuals, Both accused rapists, both people who revel in racism, misogyny, xenophobia, and endless self aggrandizement, and one, (Hegseth), with a history of being drunk at work. Both now claiming that Scouting doesn't embody American values.

Scouting's relationship with the Department of Defense has been beneficial to both organizations and to the country as a whole. Scouting has long been a part of military recruiting efforts. As many as 20 percent of cadets and midshipmen at the service academies are Eagle Scouts, according to statistics from Scouting America. Moreover, enlistees who've earned Eagle get advanced military rank and better pay. That practice would end. 

The potential impact is causing friction at the Pentagon. In the Navy for example, up to a third of the Navy's officers in training,  have some scouting background  Passive support to Scouting America through access to military installations and educational opportunities aboard military installations serve as a crucial recruiting and community engagement tool for all branches of the military. 

 

But more that that.  The partnership between the US Military and Scouting overseas has played a crucial role in supporting the  families of  American Service personnel deployed all over the world.  With Far East Scouting Council and the Transatlantic Council providing programs and services that support the morale and welfare of Americans posted overseas. Something I know first hand.  Having been an active volunteer in both organizations.  

Anyone who grew up a "military brat" or was an America Expat as a kid,  or a  military spouse of a soldier deployed overseas knows the stress of that life.  Constantly having to move from one duty station to another.  Sometimes uprooting your family every 18 months.  Having to get resettled in a new place, make new friends,  integrate to a new community and school is challenging under the best of circumstances.  Throw in having to do this in an entirely different country and culture,  and connections to home become even more important. 

 In many American expat communities both military and civilian Scouting provides that link and helps ease those transitions for American citizens and their families  posted overseas. the MWR (Morale Welfare and Recreation) partnership between Scouting and the Department of Defense has been a critical component of that mission. 

 

Scouting has always been a major part of  my own life,  and when I was an American student living and studying in Germany in the 1980s   I was able to maintain my connection to Scouting through the Transatlantic Council. Helping to deliver Scouting programs  and even working at a Scout Summer Camp during the Summer all through college.   Providing both outdoor adventure and leadership / character development programs for American youth living all over the world.

The Current Scouting America executive for Transatlantic Council, Joshua Dick summed the issue up very well saying; 

 " Transatlantic Council’s ties to our military community run deep. For decades, our programs have supported the children of U.S. service members, providing stability, leadership development, and a sense of belonging. We are here to support our Scouts, their families, and the communities they are part of. We are profoundly grateful for your continued support, flexibility, and commitment during uncertain times. Your dedication enables our Scouts to learn, grow, and thrive – no matter where they are in the world.

In moments like these, our Scouting values matter more than ever. We encourage all members of our community to remain engaged, support one another, and continue demonstrating active citizenship in their daily lives. Keep supporting your units, lifting up your fellow volunteers, and, above all, continuing to deliver strong, meaningful programs for our youth."

The core mission of Scouting is not to create "Trump Youth" living out some  desperate fantasy of  an American "Alpha Male Ethos" . The mission of Scouting is and has always been to build character in youth.  With a clear focus on three things:  Duty to God,  Duty to Country and Duty to Self.  In that order.

With their fabricated war on "woke"  Hegseth and Trump are  sad, flawed  small minded bigots who are  terrified of America's diversity.  From attempts to rewrite the history of the Civil War to literally justify slavery,  to removing references to African American soldiers from US  Military  memorials overseas, and now an attack on Scouting as some sort of threat to America's masculinity,  Trump,  Hegseth and  the entire Trump 2.0 Administration  have provided a clear example of  everything that a Scout is not. 

Remembering the First "Zoom" Call 44 Years Ago

They say the worst thing you can have in live television is “dead air”. Suddenly in front of a room full of government and media dignitaries, with broadcasting history literally hanging in the balance, that is exactly what we were facing. Dead air.

The date was Thursday, October 15th, 1981. Two days earlier, I had boarded an Amtrak train in Columbus, Wisconsin, along with Mike Daugherty, Jon Garrett, Tom Gehrmann, Chris Kerwin, Anne O'Brien, Becky Weirough, Glenn Zweig, Steve Funk, and Mike Kennedy, Now in the ballroom of the Capital Hill Holiday Inn in Washington D.C. a live satellite demonstration, linking our group of American kids, and a group of young people in Brisbane Australia had just gone on the air.

We were there along with other young people who shared the unique experience of being media users, not just media consumers. We were from the “Kids 4” television project in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. Kids4 had been on the air since 1978, and was an educational partnership between the local public access cable channel and the American Council for Better Broadcasting (ACBB, later renamed as the National Telemedia Council )

Joining us there in Washington, was a group from the KIDS ALIVE! Project in Bloomington, Indiana. Together, we were hosting a live cultural exchange via satellite with a group of young people from down under in Brisbane Australia, who hosted the popular children’s program WOMBAT on Australia's Channel 7.

The kids from the Australian television show went first, showing an amazing video montage of their studio, the gold coast of Australia and the stories they produced there at Channel 7 in Brisbane. Then it was our turn. Or so we thought...   

Kerri Brinson from KIDS ALIVE!, looked in the camera and cheerfully announced; “Well, here’s our video montage!”  And … nothing.

A technician from COX Cable Television, hurried into the room and whispered in the ear of a nearby adult that the Video tape player in the satellite truck, was not working, and therefore none of the prepared footage we had brought with us to Washington could be shown. So we proceeded to do what we always did when doing live television. We improvised. 

The kids from Indiana looked at us like we were nuts. They were not used to working live. One of the great things about the Kids 4 program is we started out doing all of our shows live. It was only after two years we switched to recording them first, then airing them.

Still, with a ballroom full of media dignitaries watching you , plus trying to fill time  with stuff off the top your head, AND cope with at least a 5 second time delay between you and the people you were trying to interview, it was bit tense, even by our standards. But the end result turned out to be something amazing and unexpected.

That one technical glitch turned what would have been a largely scripted exchange into an actual conversation.

Instead of following a script,  we talked.  Asking each other about school, about hobbies and what was it about working with television that interested them, as well as sharing our own experiences as kids learning to use media and not be used by it.

Of course at the time, it felt like a disaster.

Looking back on that day, now, more than four decades ago, I marvel at how much the world has changed. At the time, what we were doing in Washington DC that day was not all that remarkable from a technical standpoint. Live satellite broadcasts were hardly unusual in 1981. Yet from a cultural and educational standpoint, the Kids-to-Kids interconnect was nothing short of revolutionary.

As much as I say that live satellite television was commonplace in 1981, that isn’t to say the mechanics of it were simple. The path of the satellite interconnect - from Washington, D.C. to , Brisbane, Australia was a complex series of relays starting with a signal carried by cable to trucks parked just outside in the courtyard of the hotel. From there, the signal was  beamed by microwave across town to PBS Headquarters.

PBS then sent  the signal to KQED In San Francisco via a  satellite, 22,300 miles above the Earth. Which THEN transmitted it up to another satellite which relayed it across the Pacific Ocean,  and  down to the an earth station near Sydney, Australia.

Finally from there the signal travelled via land lines to the studios of Channel 7, Brisbane, where the Australian children received it and responded. Their messages back to the U.S. travelled in the reverse direction using landlines and satellites back to Washington, to the on-site satellite dish located in the courtyard of the Capitol Holiday Inn, which fed the signal into the ballroom room where it was seen on  large screens by all of us there.

Whew! Did you follow all that? Don’t worry, there won’t be a quiz. But here is what you need to know, everything that I just described, in all its complicated glory, the average teenager can now do with the phone they carry in their pocket. No trucks needed, no delay and now we don’t even think twice about it.

 .
The Interconnect didn’t radically change the media landscape, or advance broadcast technology. What it did do, was in the space of a few short hours make the world a remarkably smaller place. It showed that live satellite broadcasting could be used for more than breaking news and sporting events

More than that, it laid the foundation for the type of personal inter connectivity that today, we take completely for granted. I know this, because I do it nearly every day. At least three times a week I will face-time, or WhatsApp video call or Facebook messenger video call with friends and family scattered all over the globe.  From London, to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, to San Francisco, and  Madison, Wisconsin,  and dozens of points in between.    What is commonplace today,  was nothing short of history making on that day in 1981

The interconnect was the first global Zoom meeting.

The greatest take away from that day for those of us fortunate enough to have been part of it, was the power of broadcast technology to bridge distances and connect people in new and exciting ways. It was, at least for me, a  life changing experience. A live demonstration of the power of broadcast technology to connect people and be a platform for sharing experiences and ideas, in (nearly) real time.

Media Literacy is more crucial now than ever before. Teaching young people how to harness the power of media, and connectivity as tools for education and empowerment is more important today, than it has ever been.

Teaching young people to be media users, not just media consumers has always been at heart of the mission of Kids 4 and The ACBB / National Telemedia Council . That mission, which took a gigantic step forward in 1981 continues today. Now as the International Council for Media Literacy You can find out more about the IC4ML and it's mission and legacy on their website,:  https://www.ic4ml.org.

 In a world where if kids in Sun Prairie, WI  want to talk to kids in Brisbane, Australia , all they need is a smart phone and a decent WIFI signal, the lessons of the Interconnect are even more important today than they were four decades ago.

Still more than 40 years on, it remains an experience that played a tremendous role in shaping my path in life I am so very grateful to have been a part of it.

Remembering a different life...

 This Saturday, is National Coming Out day on October 11th.

They say on National Coming Out Day you should remember and thank all the allies in your life. I am blessed in that for me, that is a pretty long list.   The following is a updated repost of one of the first blog entries I ever wrote back in 2006

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I was bouncing around the web a couple of weeks back and stumbled on zabasearch.com. It is a site than helps you locate addresses of people. So out of curiosity I typed in the name of one of my best friends from High School. 

Sure enough, a result for his name came up. Not sure if it was the right person, rather than call, I sent a note with my business card attached saying, if this was who I thought it was, to please write back. A couple of weeks went by... and I forgot about it. I honestly didn't expect to hear anything. 

Then the other day I got an email from him. It is an interesting experience in a way. I hadn’t   heard from him since attending his wedding. At the time I really envied him. He was marrying a wonderful gal and starting to build a life. They now have a five-year-old son with a daughter on the way due in December.

He said it was amazing to hear from me couldn't wait to hear all about what I have been doing over the past few years. I will confess, I have mixed feelings about that. 

For the most part, I have not kept in touch with anyone from “back home”. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed growing up where I did.  I had great friends and good memories. Yet it really was a whole different life. Like many LGBT kids in the mid to late 80's I was closeted and terrified of coming out. On some level every day had some undercurrent of fear of my "secret" being discovered. The ultimate put-down was to say something was "gay" or to be called a "fag". You saw the kids who were even slightly effeminate or "different" getting tormented daily. 

So, you kept your mouth shut and your eyes closed. When you watched those 80's brat-pack movies, while your friends ogled Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy, you didn't admit to anyone, not even to yourself that you thought Rob Lowe and Emilio Estevez were really hot. 

Add to that, the media was full of stories of this new "gay disease" called AIDS, and the Reagan and first Bush Administrations were not interested in getting any information about it out to the public. So like a lot of gay kids, I didn't know what to think. Could I get AIDS by coming out? By even holding hands or kissing a guy? Was it really God's way of getting rid of people like... well, like Me? 

The fear you felt was this huge cloud that hung over you every day. You really did wonder if you were destined to be miserable and alone for your entire life. Of course, at time I thought I was the ONLY gay kid on earth. Now I know that there were in fact more than a few. Even at my own school. But in those moments, the sense of isolation could feel overwhelming.

But time moved on. I left and, in many ways, never looked back. I moved to Europe, studied there, came back to Wisconsin, and went to college, after graduation worked, traveled back to Europe, and then to Asia. Eventually, I came back to the US and settled in Chicago, where I finally “came out.” 

Like many people, for me coming out was a frightening and painful process of self-discovery and acceptance. I think back on the fear I felt back then, and it seems like I am watching a movie of someone else's life. A life that I would not ever want to revisit. Yet in truth it was MY issue, not my friends. They had no way of knowing what I felt. 

The whole range of traditional High School and college experiences of first dates, a first dance, a first kiss, etc.. While a given for everyone else, were in my mind, just not possible for a lesbian or Gay kid in South Central Wisconsin in the 1980's. Or at least I felt, not for me. 

Many Gays and Lesbians who should be my age never lived to see today. The statistics on suicide for LGBT youth in the 1980's and 90's will give you nightmares. I am so amazingly fortunate to have the family that I do. My parents are the two most loving, supportive and amazing people in the whole world. Coming out to them while scary as hell, was truly the end of an old life and the beginning of a new much brighter and happier one.

 (I know I have told you this, but it’s worth saying again - Thanks Mom & Dad.)

 I marvel at many of today's LGBT kids with "Gay Straight Alliances" and alternative proms. When I read about kids taking their same sex partner to a high school dance, I can only smile and be amazed at how, at least in some places how far we have come. Though certainly for thousands of LGBT youth in America the reality has not changed from the one I knew.

 Over the years I didn't stay in touch with people back from "back home". One wedding, an occasional Christmas Card was pretty much the limit of my contact, and even that soon stopped. Someone recently asked me why I didn't keep in touch with people from those days, and honestly, I didn't really have a good answer. Hence my card to my friend.

 I know what you are wondering. Will I tell my old friend (s) that I am gay? Will I open up my life now to those people from my life "then"? Does it even matter?

 Honestly? I don't know. I'll keep you posted.

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FLASH FORWARD 19 years... October, 2025

It is worth noting, the friend I wrote about in 2006, like so many other amazing friends from my life, have shown me in words and deeds what I have always suspected, my friends are in general, a lot wiser than I am.

As I mark this year's National Coming Out Day there are friends and allies in my life who I still cannot thank enough.

From JJ, the friend, now in El Paso, who answered that letter in 2006 and reminded me why were friends in the first place, and still today reminds me to laugh at life nearly 40 years on. 

To the friends we shared growing up. Ed, the decorated Army Combat Veteran, in Fond du Lac with  whom for over 40 years I have shared inside jokes a love of offbeat Sci-Fi  and also with  Mike,  the retired deputy sheriff in Madison who, with their respective spouses still give me permission to be silly, and when needed, permission to be serious; and the incredible friendship and trust to just be me.

There is Todd, the Lawyer in Dallas, who challenged my own stereotypes and instead ended up teaching me invaluable lessons about acceptance and the power of true-life changing friendship.   There is Ira the diplomat in Brussels, and Tom and Karen, the couple in Georgia whose friendship has spanned more than three decades and two oceans. Who always knew, didn't care, and have always just loved me for who I am.   All of them, in doing so, forever changed, (and saved) my life.   

Along with Mark, the Career Air Force officer in Florida, and Dale, the IT guru in Wisconsin who I had the honor of being a Groomsmen at their respective weddings, and years later with their wives, are still sharing their adventures with me.

All these amazing people, along with so many others I am blessed to call my friends.  Including the friends who have passed away. Timothy, the Pastor in Pennsylvania, and James, the School Teacher from Boston, allies who both lived remarkable lives of always seeking the best in people and taught me to do the same.  I miss them every day.

In addition to the family we are given, there are the amazing LGBT families we build. I am so blessed to have folks like my “brother from another mother”, Daniel the incredible composer and playwright (and far better looking and talented than one person has any right to be… but ok fine, whatever…) along with his Michelin starred Chef husband Gerardo in NYC.   

My first “boyfriend’ John the Army Medic from Georgia, who taught me how to dance, and in doing so, to be at ease with myself.   Along with the brilliant and talented Khris Francis, my first real LGBT role model, and a dear friend who showed me the secret of life is be able to laugh at who I am.  Whose passing left the world, and the lives of those of us who knew and loved him, sadder and darker.

In the UK, there is the amazing osteopath Peter and his barrister, hubby Simon. Our dear friends NHS Nurse and the UK's own "Christmas Fairy" Danny with his husband Nick, and Julian the passionate activist, with his attorney hubby Wade raising their amazing son Matthew.

On this side of the Atlantic, my incredible and wonderful friend, the brilliant Actor Rudy with his better filmmaking half Lawrence. Along with Marc the courageous ER Nurse, HIV activist and international marathoner in Chicago and his wonderful educator husband, Josh raising their son and shining their light of authenticity for all to see,

These are only a few of the incredible folks who have been part of my journey....

Along with all these people, I have been blessed to have found wonderful communities of faith where I was shown that God is Love, and never hates. Trinity Lutheran in Madison, Holy Trinity in Chicago, St, Mark's Lutheran in San Francisco, St. Anne's Lutheran Church in London, and St. Luke’s Lutheran – Times Square in New York,  

And as always, my incredible god given family. In addition to my parents, there is my sister Leah, who with by Brother-in-Law Jean Georges with their three fantastic, brilliant, amazing and wonderful... (can you tell I’m a proud Uncle?) kids, Sophie, Jonathan and Sandrine, who with their spouses and significant others, have all given me strength to just .... be myself.

One of the greatest challenges in living authentically can be the risk bringing your “whole self” to the workplace. To say that my time working for Kaiser Permanente helped me on my journey, would be an epic understatement. To have been able to spend such a large part of my professional life at a company that saw Equity, Inclusion and Diversity not as something nice to have… but as business imperatives was one of the greatest gifts I could have ever hoped for.

And yes, to my friends PJ, and Chris along with others who, for reasons political, social, and religious felt they could not continue our friendship, I thank you as well. Not because I don't miss you, (for believe, me, I do, every day.)  Yet I owe you my thanks for showing me that the choice to live authentically does not come without cost, and therefore must not, ever be taken for granted.

There would not be time  or space to mention all the people or recall all the places and moments that have played a role in my own journey of self discovery  and acceptance. 

But now so many years on from being the scared kid in South Central Wisconsin, I can truly say that I am so very grateful for all of them. 

Last but never least, my husband Eric. To you I can only say I love you and thank you. You provide me with living proof every day that taking those first steps out of the closet were by far, the best ones I have ever made. 

Happy National Coming Out Day.

The Price We Pay...

There will be a lot written and said about the shooting death of conservative activist Charlie Kirk for years to come. This particular gun crime has all the elements of drama and conflicting narratives that will keep all sides of our media and the political world happily obsessed for a very long time.

A number of friends, knowing my personal political history have reached out asking for my thoughts on the shooting. I will confess those thoughts are complicated. But ok, since you asked.

Let’s get the few things clear up front…

Firstly, I am, as everyone should be, horrified by the shooting death of Charlie Kirk. Just as everyone should be equally horrified by the 330,587 firearm deaths in the United States so far this year. Including the 302 deaths in 309 mass shootings that have occurred in the US since January.

I have written many times that America does not have a “gun problem” it as much as it has a Gun Fetish. As a culture, guns get America’s d*ck hard. In the United States, we glorify guns (and gun violence) in media, entertainment and popular culture to such an extent, it makes the rest of the world look at us and wonder how we haven’t yet managed collectively to kill ourselves off in an orgy of horny crossfire.

Our political discourse is overflowing with such metaphors. A politician is a “straight shooter” , One party will have a particular issue “in the crosshairs”. A political scandal will have a “smoking gun”.

People we disagree with are “targeted”. And in perhaps the most Freudian slip of all, one party will use the “nuclear option” against the opposition.

Secondly, Charlie Kirk was shot and killed because of his political, sociocultural and racial beliefs. He is as much a victim of political assassination as Malcom X or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. How I, or anyone else may feel about Kirk’s beliefs is irrelevant to this forensic fact.

This was a crime of political violence to silence / punish someone because of their views and is equally as unacceptable as any other such crime in American history.

Thirdly, we should be shocked but not surprised by this. To be clear, nothing Charlie Kirk has ever said or done warranted being murdered.

Just as James H. Barrett., John Bayard Britton, MD., David Gunn, MD., Shannon Lowney, Jennifer Markovsky, Leanne Nichols, Robert Sanderson., Barnett Slepian, MD or George Tiller, MD did not deserve to die for providing legal and safe reproductive medical care to women.

Yet Kirk had publicly called for the arrest , and capital murder prosecution of any health care professional who provides such care.

Likewise Former Minnesota Democratic House Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband, Mark, did nothing to cause their murder. Gunned down in their home last June, in a politically motivated killing,

Yet in the wake of the Kirks death, it is hard to ignore his rationalization of gun deaths in America as an acceptable price to pay for his preferred ideology. Including his interpretation of the 2nd Amendment’s right to bear arms as unquestionable, entirely un-regulatable and utterly sacrosanct. Kirk in his words two years ago:

“I think it’s worth it to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the second amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. It is rational.”

The fact this this statement was one of more less provocative and controversial ones made by Kirk over the course of his career is unavoidable context when looking what at happened in Utah.

Charlie Kirk spent his professional life rhetorically attacking and often encouraging violence against those he disagreed with. I could fill page after page with quotes and examples of this but I have neither the time nor inclination. If you are curious you can find some of what I’m talking about here: https://www.theguardian.com/.../charlie-kirk-quotes-beliefs

It can be said, that Charlie Kirk died the way he wanted the rest of us to live. Where violence is an acceptable price to pay, if it serves to further your ideology over those you disagree with.

Back in College I was the editorial editor of one of the two student newspapers on campus. Our particular publication had a decidedly conservative slant. In 1990 the newspaper sponsored an event in the large concourse of the student union building to mark the 200th Anniversary of the Bill of Rights.

Speakers included student organization leaders, staff from the paper including myself, and Mark Belling a local Wisconsin conservative talk radio host known for his right-wing views and who, like Kirk had a long history of provocative and incendiary statements.

The event was protested by a collection of more left-learning student groups and individuals, and quickly devolved into violence with protesters throwing hard objects like ice, small rocks, and coins at the stage.

During my prepared remarks, (on the importance of the First Amendment protecting all points of view) , my eyeglasses were knocked off my face and broken and my face sustained a minor cut by the objects being thrown. It got to the point that Belling and the other speakers had to exit the area for their own safety.

The great irony being had my physical attackers actually heard my remarks they would have largely agreed with everything I was saying. But the climate of political division that had developed in the context of the first gulf war, played right into the idea that even listening to someone you disagree with was unacceptable, and instead they must be silenced.

In the weeks that followed. I and other people at the event received multiple death threats. At the time I treated it cavalierly. Even joking about it as something of a “badge of honor”, that my words and ideas would generate such an outsized response.

I confess, I would not feel that way today.

So yes, political violence does have a very real chilling effect. On all parts of our national social and political spectrum. In his inaugural address in 1989, President George HW Bush lamented that America seemed to be in a place where; “not each other’s ideas are challenged, but each other’s motives.”

The legacy and lesson of the shooting of Charlie Kirk may well be that America has become what President Bush feared. A place where ideological difference is the ultimate justification. You can demonize any and all opposing views and those who hold them as the “enemy” and in doing so, make them less worthy of the rights to the pursuit of happiness, liberty or even life.

The absence of Charlie Kirk’s voice from our national discourse is, in my opinion not a loss for America. But how that voice came to be removed absolutely is. It has made our nation weaker, more dangerous and far less free.