Remembering Matthew Shepard 23 Years on...

 

Wednesday October 7th, 1998 was a fairly ordinary day in Chicago. I was working for a small consulting firm in the near West suburb of Oak Park, and had spent the day in a series of fairly productive meetings. So I felt pretty good when I got home from work. I was puttering around my apartment making dinner when I picked up the remote control for the TV and turned on CNN.

The lead story was a brutal attack of a young man in Laramie Wyoming named Matthew Shepard. Shepard, age 21, had been beaten into a coma and left tied to fence along a rural highway outside the city. The news report noted that the victim was a young gay man and was not expected to survive.

I remember walking down into “boystown” (the north Halstead area of Chicago, and the center of the city’s Gay community). There were lots of people standing around outside the bars, and restaurants along Halsted Street, talking about what had happened in Wyoming. A makeshift memorial had been set up on the corner of Halsted and Roscoe.

I walked into the 7-11 there on the corner and bought a small votive candle, lit it and placed it with the growing number of candles, handwritten notes and flowers that were being placed around a picture of Matthew that someone had printed off the internet. I stayed for a little while talking to people who were gathered there. Some people were angry, others sad, but we all knew that something in our own community had changed as a result of what had happened,  hundreds of miles away in a cold field outside Laramie, Wyoming.

In 1998 I had just moved to Chicago after being overseas in South Korea. I was in the middle of my own “coming out” process,  and was gathering up my courage to have “the talk” with my parents when I went home for Thanksgiving in a few weeks time. I will admit the news of Matthew Shepard’s brutal murder shook me up. Suddenly the decisions I was making to live openly and honestly as who I was, had potentially fatal consequences.

On an intellectual level you always knew that there were “gay bashers” out there. People who were so conflicted about their own sexuality that they felt the way to “cure” themselves was to attack others for what they feared most about themselves. Yet now those hypothetical risks, were not so hypothetical.  What's more, those consequences now  had a face, and a name.

As I walked home, my thoughts turned to Matthew Shepard’s parents. What must they be thinking and feeling? Had they known Matt was gay? Did it really matter? Years later I would have the great honor of meeting Judy Shepard,  and hear her tell her own powerful story .

Now more than two decades  years later, I marvel at how my own life has changed. I see how the progress that has been made means  that the world is not as bleak and dark a place as it seemed, on that October night in 1998.

 Yet I am still saddened and angry that there are many people in America who honestly feel that Matthew Shepard got what “he had coming to him”. That demonizing , discriminating against, and even murdering Gays and Lesbians is somehow “doing God’s work”.

People with a vested interest in keeping LGBT people as the one group it is still safe to hate. People who seek to profit, personally, politically and even economically from fomenting deadly hatred and fear of others. Bigots whose actions and beliefs are the farthest thing from being Christian, yet claim to have a monopoly on what they claim God thinks and who they claim "God hates".

I really don’t have a point to make here, other than to say it’s important to remember Matthew and so many others like him who have died as a result of hatred and bigotry. If you want to get involved, here are a few great places to start...

The Matthew Shepard Foundation: http://www.matthewshepard.org/

The Trevor Project: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

The Ben Cohen Stand Up Foundation: http://www.standupfoundation.com/

The We Give a Damn Campaign: http://www.wegiveadamn.org/

The "It Gets Better" Project:  http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

Thanks,

Dave

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Twenty Years On... Remembering a Clear September Morning.

 (The following is an update of an entry from Sept. 11th, 2011)

This weekend the media, and the blogosphere will  undoubtedly be full of all sorts of remembrances and commentary around the 20th  anniversary of the terrorist attack on the United States on September 11, 2001.

To be honest I really don't like to dwell on the topic. Not out of any sense of personal pain, but more out of respect, for those people I know who were far closer to the events of that day than I was. My experience that day was a somewhat surreal one.

I had gotten up very early and caught a flight from Chicago Midway to Houston. I was heading there for work. It was about 20 minutes into the flight, the seat belt sign had just turned off, and people where shifting about, getting comfortable. I had just pulled out my laptop to work on the presentation I was going to be giving later that day. Suddenly the seat belt sign came back on, and the crew announced that everyone was to return to their seats and prepare for landing, the flight would be returning to Chicago.

The Pilot then came on the speaker system to say that there was nothing wrong with the plane, and we were returning to Chicago because the FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) had ordered the flight to return to "clear air traffic". He said that was all the information they had, and he apologized for the inconvenience.

Everyone on the plane thought the same thing. (Not terrorism.) Chicago Midway had upgraded to a new Air Traffic Control System earlier in the Summer and a few weeks prior, there had been a series of glitches that had delayed several flights.  Everyone groaned, made comments about "Government Efficiency" assuming it was yet another problem with Midway's system that was going to mess up  our day.

This  assumption that was bolstered when the captain came back on the loudspeaker  and announced  that we were not returning to Midway but rather we were diverted to Chicago's O'Hare International Airport.

The woman sitting next to me was happy about this thinking at least it might be easier to get on the next flight out to Houston. I nodded, and said "I hope so", thinking of how I might salvage the rest of my schedule that day and make my afternoon meetings on time.

It took us about 30 minutes of circling over O'Hare before we could land. Sitting in a window seat I watched as the line of planes waiting to land stretched to the far horizon and oddly enough, no planes were taking off. I commented on this to the woman next to me, and she said "wow Midway's systems must be really screwed up!" I laughed and said that what we get for Ronald Reagan having fired all the good Air Traffic Controllers. She laughed and said she had forgotten about that.

We landed and had to wait an additional 20 minutes to get a gate. but finally pulled up to a jetway , and we all lumbered off the plane into the gate area I was getting annoyed because people were not clearing the area in front of the door but were all standing around the televisions that were tuned to the CNN Airport Network. I was about to say a loud "excuse me!" when I happened to look up at the TV and saw CNN  replay footage from ABC of the second plane hitting the World Trade Center.

CNN then cut to live shot of a column of smoke and ash where the World Trade Center Towers were supposed to be, but weren't. I called my office and my boss told me not to come in, The area in downtown Chicago around the Sears Tower was being evacuated. I called my parents and let them know I was not in Houston, got on the CTA Blue Line and went home.   The rest of that day I did what most Americans did, watched the news, and when the images became overwhelming, I put on my roller blades and went blading along the Lake Michigan shoreline.

It was a brilliant sunny day. One of those late Summer, early Fall days that you get in Chicago that make you appreciate what a beautiful city it is. As I stopped at Oak Street Beach and admired the downtown Chicago skyline, I didn't think that somehow the "world had changed". But rather I found myself thinking how the United States had  sadly, finally  joined the rest of the world.

Before that that morning, Terrorism was something that happened in other places, Israel, Lebanon London, Belfast , places far away. Even the first World Trade Center bombing for many people, didn't seem like international terrorism. After all, the people responsible were caught when they tried to get the deposit back on the rental van they had used. (How sinister could people that dumb be?)    That is what changed I think, it was the moment America lost the illusion that somehow our two oceans would keep us safe from global terrorism.

For friends of mine who lived in New York on that day,  I understand  that  today  is a much different  experience for them.   A  friend of mine is  a New York City Police Officer  who  lost an arm in the attack that day.   Another friend of mine worked  for an investment bank housed in the  North Tower,  she had a doctors appointment so she didn't go into work  that morning.   For her, today  is a reminder of  the  friends and co-workers  she lost  that day.

For the numerous friends of mine who have served in the Middle East  with the American and British Armed Forces in both Iraq and Afghanistan, they deal with the effects September 11, 2001 on a far different  and more directly personal level than most people ever will.

So I, along with  people all over the world  will remember the events of that day, pray for those who were lost, and show solidarity and support for friends and family for whom this anniversary is far more personal than political.

God Bless America, God bless us all.

Pride and Prejudice...

Well it's finally  June... so we all know what that means...  Like  rainbow flags going  up on Market Street in San Francisco, the annual debate over the merits of LGBT Pride celebrations re-surfaces like a perennial weed that just won't stay down.

 It's a debate that rages both inside and outside the broader LGBTQ community.  While inside the community,  the question always gets asked ; does some of the imagery of Pride celebrations hurt the cause of equal rights?

In addition, in the wake of significant legal victories for LGBT rights, especially around Marriage Equality; Some are asking do we even need pride celebrations anymore?   

Critics and opponents of  equality love to point to that same imagery as evidence of Gay folks wanting "special rights", and then pull out their favorite chestnut, of asking why are Gay Pride Celebrations acceptable but Straight Pride celebrations are not?

Sigh.... Really? It's like asking why isn't there a "White History Month". I get tired of trying to explain to people who really do know better,  just how stupid they sound whey they try to make these types of arguments. But fine, since clearly there is some "genuine" confusion out there as to the reason for LGBT Pride celebrations , allow me to clarify.

• The number of states in the USA where you can be fired  for  being  Straight = 0
• The number of states in the USA where you can be fired for being Gay (up until last week!!)  = 29
• Number of countries that will execute you for being Straight = 0
• Number of countries that will execute you for being Gay = 10

Growing up, how many books, songs, television programs, and movies did you see that featured straight couples meeting, falling in love and living happily ever after?   Pretty much all of them. Ask someone who is Gay how many positive images in popular culture they had growing up that affirmed who they are? The answer is, none, or at best few, if any at all.

Thankfully this is changing in surprising ways and places. The advent of LGBT positive content in Asia  has led the way.    Yet for decades,  Gay characters in movies and television were either creepy villains or camp comic relief. If you doubt that, you really should check out the groundbreaking HBO documentary, "The Celluloid Closet". It shows clearly the disparity in popular culture where messages about sexual orientation were concerned.

Then there is the area of religion. The number of straight kids who have been told they are going to hell simply for being heterosexual = 0. The number of LGBT kids who have been told that they are going hell simply for being homosexual = too many to even try to count.     In the light of LGBT rights victories in the U.S. over the past few years, it is easy to laugh at the various American Talibangelicals who shrieked hysterically how the US Supreme Court ruling on Same Sex marriage back in 2015, would result in nothing less than some sort of Gay, Nazi... apocalypse. 

As laughable as  this stuff  seems today in  hindsight, but  for a young person struggling with issues of identity and self acceptance,  these toxic messages of hatred and bigotry can still  cut right through you .

To my Straight friends, I have to ask, how many times have "respected" public figures, politicians, pundits and clergy gone on national television demanding that everyone be given the chance to VOTE on your civil rights? 

 How often has someone told you that not being able to discriminate against you was somehow an attack on them? When was the last time you heard a member of the Supreme Court saying that simply by being allowed to exist, you were "an attack" on the moral fiber of America?

Anyone?? Yeah...I didn't think so... I have a flash of the obvious for you, every month is "Straight Pride Month."  There is a word for someone who truly feels that equal rights for people they don't like is somehow an attack on them. That word is "Bigot".    Saying LGBT people are human too, isn't an attack on straight people. Those people who really think it is, are, quite simply, bigots. People who say LGBT Pride celebrations need to be stopped, are in fact, the exact reason they all started in the first place.

Are pride celebrations good or bad for the cause of equality? The answer is both. With visibility comes closer examination. Anti-gay bigots love to show images of drag queens, leather daddies and nearly naked porn stars dancing on parade floats, and scream "See! it's not about equal rights! They just want to recruit your kids into THIS!!"

They never show the families, advocacy groups, welcoming and inclusive religious denominations, and workplace affinity groups who participate in Pride parades. After all, that wouldn't fit their desired narrative.

Media outlets are complicit in this, by the way.  CNN loves to show the drag queens  and semi-naked boys in their coverage, but when straight allies like the CEO of  the largest health care company in the United States rides  on a float  in the San Francisco Pride  parade every year, along with over 1.000  LGBT employees, their families, co-workers  and friends,  you'd think they were all  invisible.

Likewise, critics of  the concept of LGBT Pride , never talk about the rates of divorce, unplanned pregnancy, child abuse and neglect and domestic violence in Straight relationships.  You never see  folks like Tony Perkins, head of the certified Hate-Group, the "Family Research Council" on Fox News talking about Mardi Gras, or  "Girls Gone Wild" on Spring Break.That would be admitting something of an inconvenient truth.  It's much easier to just point at a group of shirtless men on a flatbed truck or women on motorcycles and say that they are the real threat to families.

I have always said that Pride celebrations are not really for the people who attend them. Instead they are for the people who cannot attend them. Growing up as a Gay kid in a small town in South Central Wisconsin, there were times when I was convinced I was the only gay person on Earth. The constant message from popular culture, religion, family and peer groups was "boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married (or not) and have kids and live happily ever after". There was no happily ever after for someone who felt what I was feeling.

Then, for one weekend in June, I would turn on the TV News and see thousands of people just like me, in places like New York, San Francisco and Chicago saying "No, that's not true, you are not alone, and there is a big wide world out here beyond Sun Prairie Wisconsin. So hang in there .... we're here and we're waiting for you!"

Now more than thirty years later, I watch coverage like this,  and it seems so endearingly cheesy. Yet at the time, it was a lifeline to people like me, living with the fear and isolation of being "in the closet".

Pride Celebrations are the original  "It Gets Better Project". 

My straight friends never needed to be told that being straight was okay, and that they were okay because nobody ever told them they weren't. Pride isn't about celebrating being Gay, it's about publicly showing that being LGBT is just as much a part of the the human experience as being straight is. I for one would love to see the day when Pride is obsolete. When that scared closeted gay kid, in some small town doesn't need to be told that he or she is fine just the way they are.

Even though again this year in 2021 we will be "distance celebrating" and gathering virtually instead of in places like Market Street in San Francisco, Oxford Street in London, Halsted Street in Chicago, and Fifth Avenue in New York City, Hillcrest in San Diego, Montrose in Houston, and so many more. There still is much to celebrate, and battles still to fight. 

Last year's ruling by the United States Supreme Court finally added LGBT Americans to the federal workplace protections offered through the 1964 Civil Rights Act. A ruling that though 56 years in the making, still was split 6-3. With 3 members of the court still believing it would be just fine to fire someone on the basis of who they love. 

On the flip side,  we are seeing the trend of  "Red State" Governors and legislatures desperate to distract from their many many failings,  targeting the rights,  safety and lives of  Transgender youth as their new favorite tactic to wind up their bigoted base. 

So in this Pride month , it is still vitally important  to add our voices to the “virtual throng” celebrating LGBT Pride.  If for no other reason to let that one scared  kid know, it really does get better. There is a world where  "boy meets boy" and "girl meets girl",  or  where they can just be who they are.  A world where they live, love and yes, even live happily ever after...

Happy Pride Everyone.

The Sheer Exhaustion of Defending Sanity and Reason...

Back in October 2017, I  made a decision to uproot  my life in the United Kingdom and move back to the United States. It was not a decision that  I made lightly. The Trump Administration was nearly through it’s first full year and the damage it was inflicting on the United States was already apparent to see, and this was well before anyone had heard of COVID 19.

But, the opportunity to return to work at Kaiser Permanente, and to be closer to my family in the states was too good to say no to. So I embarked on a three year plus journey of  packing and shipping belongings from Southeast London to a new home in Oakland, California.

Add to this, all the cumulative drama and stress of the 2020 Presidential campaign, knowing that a 2nd Trump term would be nothing less than a fatal blow to American democracy. It was weeks upon weeks of hearing how this was the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION…EVER! And how it was a life or death choice for the future of our nation. And let’s be clear. It totally was. The election of Joe Biden was a course correction for a car that was literally racing full speed towards a cliff.

I had high hopes that the clear defeat of Donald Trump by Joe Biden, combined with the Democratic Party gaining control of the United States Senate (albeit by only one vote), would bring normality back to life here in the USA and to be fair to a certain degree it has. It as been a blessed relief not to turn the news on each day and be bombarded with whatever the latest insanity is, billowing out of an incompetent narcissist hell bent on using the Presidency for nothing other than his own self-aggrandizement and financial enrichment.

President Biden has been wonderfully… boring. So, what’s the problem?

The problem is the Republican Party, (or more accurately, the deranged cult of national self -destruction calling itself the “Republican Party”.) The party formerly known as the GOP has decided once and for all to throw reality in the bin, and embrace insanity.  2022, and 2024 like 2020 will be seemingly unending campaigns of Diversity, equity and opportunity versus violent white supremacist extremism. Rational global leadership and engagement, versus mindless xenophobic isolationism. 

Arizona GOP Tweet

A dynamic that manifests not just with national races like the Presidential and Congressional contests, but one that has infected down ticket races as well.  With campaigns for Governors, State legislatures, County boards,  City Councils and School Boards all turning into life or death battles where facts and reason have to complete against the worst forms of hate based stupidity.   With the centerpiece of the GOP platform being, not one of policy or ideas.  But a  hate fueled populism to which the Republican party is addicted and has no interest or desire to try to free itself from. 

With over 40% of Americans gleefully siding with chaos candidates, not because it is in their best interests, but solely for the dopamine hit of having “Owned the libs!” What is now all too clear, is that EVERY election for here on out will be a life or death battle of sanity versus Trump-based insanity.  The irony being Donald Trump isn't even a factor anymore. His monster has broken out of the MAGA Lab and running loose around the country side infecting villagers with its madness.

So I will be honest,  the idea that we will go through a new iteration of 2020 every two years from here on out;  has me questioning the viability of staying in the United Sates. I love our life here,  but  I am truly wondering if the  America I know, the American I love, the nation  of  E Pluribus Unum  has  crossed a line that we will be trying to  redraw  for the next 50 years.    I don't know if I  have the energy for that. 

I am tired of being told I have to "pick a side" between racial justice and respect for law enforcement.  I am tired of having to refight the basic battles for Civil Rights.   I am tired of living in a country where nearly 40% of the electorate thinks that if people they don't like get to vote,  it somehow makes their vote mean less      I am tired  of living with the uncertainty that a supreme court packed with appointees by a anti-democratic narcissist  might just decide to hear some random "red state" court case,  filed by anti-LGBT nut jobs hell bent on making my life a criminal offense. 

I know that last thing anyone wants to think about right now are the 2022 midterm elections.   But (and it gives me no pleasure to say it...)  that election will be (again)  the most important vote of our lifetime. 

 I guess I am just hoping that we all remember that.  Because  I for one am tired of trying to convince that 40%  that the death of American Democracy isn't  "Owning the Libs!"  But rather  delivering a  fatal blow to for their hopes and dreams as well. 

DEMOCRACY WINS

 Even in the face of treason, even in the face of sedition,  even in spite of violent ignorance;  The Great American Experiment...   continues.

God bless the United States of America...