A bit of Catch Up Blogging...

Yeah yeah... I know.   Blogs been a bit quiet.  

The 50 Billion Dollar  Putin-palooza   that  was the  2014 Winter Olympics  ended  with fireworks and  the folks in Sochi even poking fun at their own  mishaps over the course of the Games.  Dancers  recreated the technical glitch from the opening ceremony when one of the five Olympic rings failed to open.   So fair play to  Sochi.

Meanwhile  back in the United States,  the  American Taliban  finally  decided it was tired of  losing  the  culture war and decided to strike back  Putin-Style at  LGBT Americans,  and  try to pass  "religious freedom projection laws".     Which are laws that basically say,  you can  violate any civil rights laws you want  by  claiming  that  God told you to.   Yes,  you read that  correctly.     The state of Arizona  is  one of the first  to  go so far  as to actually pass  such a law.   The question now  is  whether  Arizona's  Republican Governor, Jan Brewer will  sign  it into law.



But Arizona is just the tip of the  bigotry  iceberg.   A a number of other conservative states, including, Kansas, Tennessee and Georgia, have similar legislation working  its way through  their respective state legislatures.   All this  taking place in the shadow of  Russia's modern day  "Nuremberg Laws"  targeting  Gays and Lesbians,  and  the  American Taliban's  latest  overseas achievement, in Uganda.

The idea  that  it should be legal to discriminate against  someone because your particular  religion says so, is not new.   Women and other minorities  are  marginalized  in many parts of the world solely  on basis of  religious edict.

The Wing Nuts on the American Religious and  Cultural right wing,  realizing  they  can't win the debate on facts, and seeing the massive shift in attitudes on cultural issues;  Have decided the best  defense  is  to  claim that  THEY are the real victims here ,  and granting  equality to  people they don't like,  is an "attack" on their religious beliefs.

Of course  the chance of  these  new state laws, should they be enacted,  actually surviving the legal challenges that would most certain follow, are remote at best.   Yet  it signals  an interesting shift in the tactics of  anti-Gay American Taliban.    It also presents a real opportunity for the Religious Left to stand up for the religious freedom of people who actually  follow the  teachings of Christ.   Or  as  Seattle-based writer/activist  Dan Savage calls them,  NALT (Not All Like That)  Christians.



Dan has a point...

Sochi 2014, The IOC reaps what it has sown...

With the countdown to the  2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia  now figured in hours, the world's attention has  slowly begun to turn to  the sleepy sub tropical resort town that is to host  the  games.   What they are finding is  not  terribly surprising...

Lets set aside  for just a moment moment,  the most disturbing issue facing  the International Olympic Committee; Their tacit support and enabling of  the violent percecution of  LBGT Russians,  and instead talk about  what  has become the most  expensive and most  corrupt  Olympic Games in history.

IOC President, Thomas Bach has decided the best thing for him to do is to stand in front of the world, look reality in the eye and just pretend not to see it.  His recent press conference with  Russian President Vladimir Putin, was a epic display of  denial  soaked in desperate self-justification.   Completely ignoring the elephants in the room,  Bach instead insisted the  real problem is all those pesky nay-sayers  badmouthing  Sochi and his  new BFF  Vladimir Putin.

The process by which the IOC awarded  the  2014 Winter Games to Sochi  is at best, ridiculously suspect.  Bach and IOC's  tone-deaf,  fingers in ears,  "la- la-la!  Can't hear you!! Nothing is wrong!"  response, has only served to  further undermine what little credibility  the IOC had left.   

Unable to resist  adding his voice to the chorus of  ignorance and idiocy led by Putin and Bach,  the Mayor of Sochi  chimed in with his two rubles worth, claiming there weren't any Gay people in Sochi so all the  international furor  over persecution of LGBT Russians was not a relevant issue.  The Young Turks  had a field day with that one...

Humor aside, the IOC has, through either complicity or incompetence allowed the one of the most corrupt regimes in the world to stand on the global stage, hands stained with blood of their own LGBT citizens, and pockets stuffed with Billions of dollars in kickback cash. All wrapped in the legitimacy of the Olympic Movement..

Dear San Francisco...

It was three years ago this week that i accepted an invitation to a job interview, that along with a series of other events,  led to my finally leaving San Francisco that April, and moving here to London. 

(Now before the great city of London takes any umbrage at this post,  let me say that obviously moving here was one of  the greatest things ever to happen to me, on both a personal and professional level.) 

Yet there are nights like this one... where it is unseasonably warm for late January in London, and a slight fog hangs in air, when I do think of you, and you are missed.

Oh well...

The Ethics of "Outing"

The  progressive  blogosphere  has been  all a buzz over the past few days over the  potential "outing"  of a  Conservative Republican Congressman  as Gay.    The Young Turks  give us the  details...



The Congressman in question  is  Aaaron Schock of  Illinois,  who has faced  questions  about his sexuality in the past.   The initial posting by  Journalist Itay Hod, and  the  subsequent  coverage over on Americablog,  has  once again  put the issue  of  "outing"  on the front page of the LGBT blogs.    A number of people have asked me  what I thought about all this.    It's a complex question.

outing -ˈaʊtɪŋ  noun

1. 1.

   the practice of revealing the homosexuality of a prominent person.
2. "the outing of gays by the press" -

   synonyms:

   exposure, unmasking, uncovering, revelation, exposé

There are two schools of thought here, which can simplistically be described at the Privacy Argument and the Hypocrisy Argument.  The first is pretty simple to understand.   I don't know anyone  who  has come through the process of  Coming Out,  who couldn't tell you in vivid detail of the  terror, and yes that is the word for it;  The terror they felt at one time or another  that  they might be outed to  friends, family, employers or  anyone else for that matter,  before they were ready to  Come Out.   

It is a fear that  drives  many  LGBT people to  suicide.  The tragic case of  18 year old  Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide after being outed by his roommate, is one of countless cases where  the result of either being outed, or  the fear of being outed has been a direct factor in the tragic death of  someone  who was Gay.

Consequently,  Outing is seen by many as a grotesque invasion of privacy, and something that  can never be justified.   I can appreciate that argument.  After all,  having faced that terror  for  years,  growing up, it  is something I would never want to intentionally  inflict on anyone,  even my worst enemy.    Which interestingly enough leads right into the counter argument for Outing.

It is the  argument  that outing people who are Gay,  but  who actively work against  LGBT rights, is justified.  people who live a double life of attacking LGBT people by day,  and sleeping with them by night.  People like George Rekers .  The prominent anti gay activist and proponent  of the discredited practice of   "Reparative Therapy".   (The idea you can change Sexual Orientation through religion-based counseling.)     A practice that has been directly responsible for the deaths of  uncounted  Gay and Lesbian youth, who in despair over being unable to change who there are, took their own lives. 

Rekers was outed by a reporter  when he returned from a European Vacation with a young gay male escort he had hired and taken with him on the trip.   So the argument goes  that the Outing of  people like Rekers, and  Congressman Schock,  is a justified response to their own hypocrisy, and the damage their actions have done to other LGBT people.  

Yet interestingly enough,  the  basic  issue  still remains the same.   Fear.    It is a fear of being outed  that  drives homophobia  in many  people.  Causing  some closeted  LGBT people to  act out in ways that  they feel will  help convince  others (and themselves),  that they are really straight.  They see their actions as the way to fight the feelings they are struggling with.  Feelings they desperately want to see as  just some sort of temporary  anomaly.  Research  has  shown that many of the  people who demonstrate the most pronounced  discomfort with  Homosexuality  are if fact  reacting to what  they fear most  in themselves.  

There are many who argue that  Congressman Schock's   100% record of voting against  LGBT rights, and his public pronouncements  against  equal rights  for  LGBT Americans  stands in such stark contrast to his personal conduct  behind  closed doors, that it warrants  public exposure.    I myself  blogged extensively  about  the Rekers scandal,   and at the time basically  said  that any public humiliation  and harm that  George Rekers suffered  as a result of being outed,  was not only justified but  far was probably far  less than what he deserved. 

So why I am feeling  squeamish about the outing of  Aaron Schock?      

 I don't really know exactly.   Part of me feels that   Schock is not  "important enough", to  warrant being outed.    One could argue that Schock has  never been the  deciding vote on any of the major issues we are talking about here.  His anti-gay actions, whatever the motivation,  have not prevented Illinois from becoming  a state where Marriage Equality is the law of the land.  

Yet, at the same time  I can understand why many people are opposed to giving Congressman Schock a pass,   if  he IS gay.  As  his  actions in Congress certainly reek of  hypocrisy.   I have known other  Republican politicians  who are Gay , or who I certainly believed were Gay,  and  often wondered how they  reconciled their public actions with who they truly  are.   It must be said,  Coming Out  is not easy.  It is a tumultuous and  at times terrifying  process of self acceptance and discovery.   

Looking back on my own  journey,  I can in partially empathize with  people like  Congressman Aaron Schock.  I was a College Republican until I finally left  the GOP in 1992.  When the anti-gay rhetoric and policies  became more than I could in my own deep dark closet, ignore.   Yet up to that point,   I had campaigned and voted for  Ronald Reagan, and George HW Bush.  So  you could say, in my own small way, I helped enable the  massage damage  both those Presidencies  wreaked upon the LGBT community.    Yet  as with most things in life,  the issues we face, and  choices  we make when living in that state of constant fear,  otherwise known as,  "the closet",  are never as black and white as many would like to claim.

If Aaron Schock is Gay, I can only  hope he  realizes  what people like former RNC Chair Ken Mehlman, and other people  who once  were driven by their own internalized homophobia  to work against  the rights of people just like them,  have discovered.   Coming Out is not only liberating,  but  you find a community that is first and foremost,  accepting and yes... forgiving.    

After all,  most of us  have been there too,  and can honestly say that  life  truly is better on the other side of that closet door.

Tempus Fugit... Time Flies- Farewell 2013, Welcome 2014!

We begin with a bit of trivia courtesy of Wikipedia...

"Auld Lang Syne" (Scots pronunciation: [ˈɔːl(d) lɑŋˈsəin]: note "s" rather than "z")   is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1788   and set to the tune of a traditional folk song (Roud # 6294).  The song's Scots title may be translated into English literally as "old long since", or more idiomatically, "long long ago",  or  "days gone by" or "old times". Consequently "For auld lang syne", as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as "for (the sake of) old times".

This year we actually managed to avoid the crowds in Central London and instead opted for a quiet New Year's at home watching the various celebrations unfold both here in London and around the world.

Reading  posts  on  the various social media   platforms,  it  seems there are lots of  people  around the world who are not  sad to see 2013 depart.   It has been a difficult  year for many.   Economic pressures  around the world, while  easing  somewhat  in places, remain  an issue for  vast  majority of people.  We have seen   a  largely  jobless recovery that  seems to be  benefiting a the top 1% far more  than  it has helped anyone else yet.   

For us,   2013  was not a bad year but  it was challenging.   My travel schedule  was  insane  having  started the year with a trip to Hong Kong,  then  hitting  the Middle East,  Central Europe,  North America,  then back to  Germany and Poland,  and finishing up the year last month  back in Hong Kong.   Thankfully   2014  promises to be  a year  of  considerably  less  business travel.

One bright spot this year were  dramatic  changes in the US  around the issue of Same Sex Marriage,   along with our own  American wedding, in  San Francisco  last July. (We were already legal spouses here in the UK through our Civil Partnership)   Consequently, a question  we have been asked regularly this year, is  will be  be moving back to the United States?    

That is  a complex issue and frankly, there isn't a simply yes or no answer to that.     Yes,  we would like at some point,  to move back to the  U.S.,  but  No,  we don't  know  exactly  when that will be. 

Also,  we look across the pond  and see the state of  affairs back  in the United States,  and frankly it doesn't  inspire an overwhelming  rush to pack up and move back.   The end of 2013 saw the  Republican Party  double down on the  Obama Derangement  Syndrome  that has defined  them  for the last 5 years.  A move that   has accomplished nothing,  other than critically damaging the GOP's  chances of  ever again being a national governing party.

Yet stupidity cloaked in political ideology is not solely an American prerogative.  Here in the United Kingdom,  Britain's own  version of the  "tea party"  are  the  folks over  at  the United Kingdom Independence Party or  "UKIP".    Like their  Duck Dynasty loving cousins  across the pond,  UKIP has  decided that  trying to make voters scared of  people who are not  white anglo-saxons  is the best way  to  take votes  away from  Britain's  Conservative Party.    The effort  however, rather  like a Sarah Palin Book tour, has not been going well.

\

We are optimistic  about  2014 though.   It  will be a year  of  big changes for  Eric and myself.   Later this month  I will  leave my current  role with  Buro Happold  after a wonderful 3 years as their head of  Learning and Development,  and move on  to an exciting  new role  leading global L&D efforts back in the  Financial Services sector.  It is in many ways  coming full circle  for me.  Having had my first senior role  in Corporate  Learning years ago, with  the global  Dutch bank  ABN  AMRO.   

In wishing a Happy New Year to all our  friends and family around the world,  we  are so  grateful  for  your love and  friendship.  To our  families  in  the United States in  New Jersey,  Wisconsin and California, in Malaysia,  in  Kuala Lumpur and  Malacca and  here in  the UK in North London.  We  love you all and hope to see  more of  you  in  2014.

To our incredible "extended family", our  friends  scattered  all over  the globe.   We think of and miss you all.    From folks back in LA and San Francisco, CA  to  Dallas, Houston and  San Antonio TX,  Omaha NE,  Chicago, IL,   Madison and Milwaukee WI, New York, NY,    Knoxville, TN,  Seattle, WA,  Portland, OR,   Latrobe, PA., Winchendon  and Wilmington, MA.  Columbus and Dahlonega GA.  Sydney and Melbourne  Australia,  Osan, South Korea, Hong Kong,  Toronto, Brussels, Kuala Lumpur , Amsterdam,  Lisbon and Sao Paulo , and of course here in London.   To name only a few of  the corners of the world where  we are blessed to have  amazing  friends.  

 To all of you  we  can only say how much we hope to see you  at some point in 2014, and remind you  that  we do have a rather nice guest room here.... just  sayin'...

Happy New Year  Everyone.   Here's  to  2014!  May it bring  all that  you hope for, and more.

Love,

David & Eric

Regeneration - Time of the Doctor

"We all change, when you think about it... we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good.  You've got to keep moving... So long as you remember all the people that you used be."

- The Doctor

Brilliant...

Happy Holidays from Me to You...

Where ever you are, what ever traditions you embrace, or holidays you are celebrating this time of year, I want to take a moment and say Thank You.  

The incredible support you have shown to this modest little blogging effort over the past year has been the most amazing gift,  for which I am very very grateful.

I wish you and yours a joyous holiday season, and the very best for the new year.

For those of you who are celebrating the arrival of the Child in Bethlehem, we give the last word on this Christmas Eve as always, to one of the great Theologians of the 20th Century, Linus Van Pelt.

Lights please...

Asking for some holiday help...

Hey there friends and readers-o-mine!

Your help is desperately needed! If you have  a few moments to spare, Please follow the link and vote for my good friend Rudy Guerrero for the 2013 Broadway World San Francisco Awards

Rudy is nominated for best featured actor in a musical (local) featured actor in play and leading actor in a play!

You can vote at this link, Or simply cut and paste the URL below into your web broswer

http://www.broadwayworld.com/san-francisco/vote2013region.cfm

Thanks!

Dave

As the Holiday Season Gets Under Way...

As  the Christmas Tree is now up and decorated in the living room,  I  will kick off the start of the Holiday season   the same way I always have  on this blog, with the best version of  "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas",  EVER recorded.  

With all due respect  to  Judy Garland and even  Nat King Cole,  it doesn't get any better than this.

Take it away Guys...

Catch Up Blogging...

Star Harbor in Kowloon

Well I survived a week in Hong Kong,  I was there for  a business trip,  this time  Eric  wasn't able to go with because of  Jury Duty back in London.    The weather  was very nice,  averaging  about  24 degrees Celsius  the entire week.   I even managed to get over the Kowloon side  and snap a "selfie".  The trip went well, but  it  was a long week,  and  I am  quite happy to be home again, thank you very much.

Dinner with Wade & Julian

Upon my return from Hong Kong, Eric and I both took this past week off from work, and had a "staycation". We stayed at home and were wonderfully unproductive. We did manage to get out and about to meet up with our incredible dear friends Julian Chang and Wade Estey. Wade was in town for business meetings, and Julian came along.

Flat Stanley visits Tower Bridge!

Julian also brought along a "friend". He is helping out the students
from the Riley Avenue School, Room 23, in Calverton, NY. The Students in this particular class have a "classmate" named Flat Stanley. Even though Flat Stanley is made of cardboard, he really likes to travel and visit people all over the world. He sends back postcards from all these  places, which the students then learn all about. So this past week, Flat Stanley was able to send back pictures from his adventures in London.    If you are interested in helping out, and would like Flat Stanley to come visit your part of the world, just drop me an email or a comment here, and I will help arrange Flat Stanley to come visit you!

On a sad note,   of course the big news this week has been the passing of former South African President, and Human Rights Icon,   Nelson Mandela.

 I can only echo what others have said far more eloquently, We shall never see his like again. He was true giant on the stage of Human History and his passing is not just a loss to South Africa; (My South African friends, Peter and Hester you are in my thoughts) it is truly a loss to the entire world.

I had  hoped that  the  wingnuts on the  American Right Wing  would  have had  the  common decency  and  basic humanity  to  behave, and  contain  their  innate  racism and irrational  hatred of  well...  everything,  and  refrain from  making complete and utter  fools of themselves.   Alas, as it turns out,   that would be far too much to hope for.   Over on Fox News,  blowhard and serial  sexual  harasser Bill O'Reilly was chatting it up with  perennial GOP Presidential Hopeful  Rick Santorum when he  just  couldn't  help himself.

 (from alternet)

As the world grieves the loss of Nelson Mandela and an outpouring of praise and gratitude roll in, Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly seemingly felt the urge to brand Mandela a communist. The republican made the remarks while speaking to former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum on The O’Reilly Factor about the future of the Republican party,Meditate reported.

“He was a communist, this man. He was a communist, all right? But he was a great man! What he did for his people was stunning!...He was a great man! But he was a communist!”

O’Reilly's decision to invoke Mandela into the discussion about GOP politics can only be described as stupid, yet Santorum didn’t do much better in comparing the struggle against apartheid to fighting against big government here in the United States.

“He was fighting against some great injustice, and I would make the argument that we have a great injustice going on right now in this country with an ever-increasing size of government that is taking over and controlling people’s lives – and Obamacare is front and center in that,” Santorum said.

Did you get that?   So  according to Santorum,  the struggle  against  Apartheid is just like Obamacare... Wow.   If your faith in the craziness of  the American Right wing is faltering,  don't worry,  it's Rush Limbaugh to the rescue!  The  right-wing Talk Radio host, and  drug addict  also jumped right into the right wing media hate-fest  using the news  of  Mandela's  passing to  (what else?)  claim  President Obama is  an egomaniac who apparently hates the U.S Constitution.

If you really want to  wade into the cesspool  of racism, irrationality  and  rampant stupidity  that is frothing up on the American political right,  you can find a comprehensive  recap over on the  Media Matters website.

I'd like to say  I am shocked or even  surprised by stuff like this,  but the sad truth is I am not.   It is clear  that  the American Conservative Movement  is no longer  even remotely sane. It has been co-opted by a neo-confederate movement of race-based hatred of President Obama, and race-based fear of the trends in American Population demographics.

  Lawrence O'Donnell examined  this in recent segment on MSNBC.

The fear  that the  American Far Right  feels  and  is being stoked  by  Conservative media and Republican politicians  the United States  is an  affront to  everything  Nelson Mandela  stood for.   On February 3, 2005, Nelson Mandela addressed over 20,000 people in London's Trafalgar Square to tell word leaders to end extreme global poverty.



Mandela said, "Overcoming poverty is not a gesture of charity. It is an act of justice. It is the protection of a fundamental human right, the right to dignity and a decent life. While poverty persists, there is no true freedom."

Amen indeed...

We Pause, Fifty Years Later...

To remember what was... and  what could have been.

50th Anniversary Prequel Mini-episode!

The Night of the Doctor

Aloha Hawaii!

Courtesy of Wikipedia –

Aloha in the Hawaiian language means affection, peace, compassion and mercy. Since the middle of the 19th century, it also has come to be used as an English greeting to say goodbye and hello. "Aloha" is also included in the state nickname of Hawaii, the "Aloha State".

(From the Huffington Post:)

HONOLULU, Nov 8 (Reuters) - Hawaii's House of Representatives approved a bill on Friday to legalize same-sex marriage in the overwhelmingly Democratic state popular as a wedding and honeymoon destination, paving the way for anticipated final passage in the Senate next week.  The measure cleared the House in a late-night vote of 30-19.  Governor Neil Abercrombie has indicated he would swiftly sign the measure into law, making Hawaii the 15th or 16th U.S. state to extend marriage rights to gay and lesbian couples. --As currently drafted, the Hawaii bill would take effect on Dec. 2.

This past week, Eric and I watched via the web,   the testimony on the proposed bill on Marriage Equality, before the State Senate and Assembly in the U.S. State of Hawaii. To be honest, most of it was pretty painful to sit though. Opponents of equal rights flooded the hearings with speakers in an attempt to “run out the clock” on the legislation and prevent it from getting to a vote.

Speaker after speaker got up to parrot the same list of ridiculous and completely false talking points, designed to stoke homophobia in state lawmakers. Claiming gay sex would be a mandated subject in Hawaii schools, claiming children raised by same sex couples are abused and grow up damaged. Claims, that granting equal rights is a “slippery slope” that would lead to polygamy, legalized incest and bestiality.

It was very hard to sit and listen to seemingly normal people stand up and spew such bigoted, vile and utterly discredited lies about not just their fellow Hawaiians, but about all LGBT people. People who seem to honestly believe that they are victims of discrimination because they can’t put the civil rights of people they don’t like up for a public vote.

I was pretty much set to write Hawaii off as a bastion of bigotry,  where “Aloha” had clearly been reduced to nothing more than a tourist slogan, when this happened…

Hawaii State Representative, Mark Kaniela Ing  at age 24, is the youngest member of the State Legislature. In a debate saturated with a sea of hateful testimony, his comments were a brilliant moment of clarity and heartfelt honesty, eloquently spoken by a straight ally. 

Ing described how learning of   Matthew Shepard's murder changed his own  perceptions of gay people, and how the reality of the lives  of his own constituents completely discredited  the "gay lifestyle" argument that anti-equality policymakers had tried to make the central issue in the debate.

 Someone who like many people, grew up thinking one thing, and though his own life experience of seeing the truth of the lives of LGBT people, came to understand what was really at stake here. Representative Ing stood up for equality, he stood up for justice and yes, he stood up for the true meaning of   "Aloha".

One of the reason opponents of equal civil rights for all, are in such a panic, is because they know they are losing. In 2013 it's much harder in the light of facts and common sense, to make people believe that their friends, their family members, are some kind of "threat". It's much harder to convince people who know LGBT people, that those same friends, those same families, deserve to be treated as something less than everyone else.

The hate groups that have made their fortunes selling bigotry and fear, are now themselves, very scared because the snake oil they have been peddling for over a generation isn't selling any more, and lawmakers like Kaniela Ing, are not afraid to stand up and say so.

Aloha indeed...

SAVE THE DATE!!

One Year Ago...

Sitting in the dark  at the Club Quarters Hotel, Wall Street, which had neither power, or running water, watching trash cans fly by like tumbleweeds.    Work in Learning and Development kids!  It's a real adventure! 

Remembering a Different Life...

The following is a updated repost of  one of the first blog entries I ever wrote, back in  October, 2006.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was bouncing around the web a couple of weeks back and stumbled on zabasearch.com. It is a site than helps you locate addresses of people. So out of curiosity I typed in the name of my best friend from High School. Sure enough a result for his name came up. Not sure if it was the right person rather than call, I sent a note with my business card attached saying, if this was who I thought it was, to please write back.

A couple of weeks went by... and I forgot about it. I honestly didn't expect to hear anything back. Then the other day I got an email and it was indeed from him. It is an interesting experience in a way. I really have not heard from him since I attended his wedding. At the time I really envied him. He was marrying a wonderful gal and starting to build a life. They now have a five year old son with a daughter on the way due in December. He said it was amazing to hear from me couldn't wait to hear all about what I have been doing over the past few years.

I will confess, I have mixed feelings about that.

For the most part, I have not kept in touch with anyone from my High School days. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed High School, had great friends and good memories. Yet it really was a whole different life. Like many LGBT kids in the mid to late 80's I was closeted and terrified of coming out. On some level every day had some undercurrent of fear of my "secret" being discovered. The ultimate put-down was to say something was "gay" or to be called a "fag". You saw the kids who were even slightly effeminate or "different" getting tormented on a daily basis.

So you kept your mouth shut and your eyes closed. When you watched those 80's brat-pack movies, while your friends oggled Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy, you didnt admit to anyone, not even to yourself that you thought Rob Lowe and Emilo Estavez were really hot.

Add to that, the media was full of stories of this new "gay disease" called AIDS, and the Reagan and first Bush Administrations were not interested in getting any information about it out to the public. So like a lot of gay kids I didn't know what to think. Could I get AIDS by coming out? By even holding hands or kissing a guy? Was it really God's way of getting rid of homosexuals? The fear you felt was this huge cloud that hung over you every day. You really did wonder if you were destined to be miserable and alone for your entire life.

And of course at time I thought I was the ONLY gay kid on earth. Now I know that there were in fact more than a few. Even at my own school. But at the time, the sense of isolation was overwhelming. But then, time moved on. I left and in many ways never looked back.

I moved to Europe, studied there, came back to WI and went to college, after graduation worked, traveled back to Europe, then even moved to Asia. Eventually, I came back to the US and settled in Chicago, and then I came out.

Like many people, for me coming out was a frightening and painful process of self-discovery and acceptance. I think back on the fear I felt in those days and it seems like I am watching a movie of someone else's life. A life that I would not ever want to revisit. Yet in truth it was MY issue, not my friends. They had no way of knowing what I felt. The whole traditional High School experience of the first date, first dance , first kiss, first umm... "whatever", while a given for everyone else, was just not possible for a lesbian or Gay kid in South Central Wisconsin in the 1980's. Or at least not for me.

Many Gays and Lesbians who should be my age never lived to see today. The statistics on suicide for LGBT youth in the 1980's and 90's will give you nightmares. I am so amazingly fortunate to have the family that I do. My parents are the two most incredible, supportive and amazing people in the whole world. Coming out to them while scary as hell, was truly the end of an old life and the beginning of a new much brighter and happier one.

( Just in case I haven't told you - Thanks Mom & Dad.)

I marvel at many of today's LGBT kids with "Gay Straight Alliances" and alternative proms. When I read about kids taking their same sex partner to a high school dance, I can only smile and be amazed at how, at least in some places how far we have come. Though certainly for thousands of LGBT youth in America the reality has not changed from the one I knew .

Over the years I didn't stay in touch with people back from "back home". One wedding, an occasional Christmas Card was pretty much the limit of my contact , and even that soon stopped. Someone recently asked me why I didn't keep in touch with people from those days, and honestly I didn't really have a good answer. Hence my card to my friend.

I know what you are wondering. Will I tell my old friend (s) that I am gay? Will I open up my life now to those people from my life "then"? Does it even matter?

Honestly? I don't know. I'll keep you posted...

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FLASH FORWARD  Seven years...  October 11, 2013

It is worth noting,  the friend I wrote about  in  2006 , like so many other  amazing friends from my life  have shown me  in words and deeds  what I have always suspected,  my friends are in general, a lot wiser than I am.   As  I mark today's  National Coming Out Day there are straight allies in my life who  I still cannot thank enough,  

From the friend who answered that  letter in 2006,  and reminded me  why were friends in the first place, and  still today  reminds me to laugh at life  more than  30 years on.   To other amazing  friends  who challenged my own  stereotypes of how I thought they would react to my coming out,  and instead ended up teaching me invaluable lessons about  acceptance and true friendship.   And as always, my incredible family who just by being themselves  encouraged me to be myself.

And yes,  to those who,  for reasons political,  social,  and religious  felt they could not  continue our friendship,  I thank you as well.  Not because  I don't miss you,  for believe, me,  I  do miss you , every day. Yet  I owe you my thanks for  showing me that the choice to live authentically does not come without cost, and therefore must not, ever be taken for granted.  

Lastly,  to my amazing husband  Eric.   Who without even trying,  provides me with  living proof every day  that taking those steps to come out of the closet were by far, the best ones I have ever made.

Travels and Shutdown thoughts...

Well , I made it back to London yesterday  after  two weeks in the U.S.   I spent a week in New York City,  then managed to get back to San Francisco and see family and friends  for a couple days, before heading down to  Los Angeles  for  a week of meetings there.  It was nice  to get back to the U.S but it was a long two weeks, and I am glad to be home.

It is always  interesting to get back to the States these days.   Even more so  the past two weeks, because of  the current  political standoff  between President Obama along with Congressional Democrats, and the  House Republicans along with  the Junior Teapublican Senator from Texas,  Ted Cruz.

For my friends on this side of the Atlantic  who  are wondering what all the drama is about,  it boils down to this:   The  United States Government is required to have a budget by a certain date each year.   The Congress and the President rarely, if ever manage to agree on one in time to make that deadline.  So  the Congress has to pass a series of  "continuing resolutions".  These are mini-funding bills that  allow the Government to keep operating  while a budget is  worked out.     The use of CR's  to keep the Government up and running is not new,  but the frequency of the need to pass them is what has sharply increased over the last  decade.

In the past a Government Shutdown resulted when the President and the Congress  couldn't reach agreement on either an overall budget or a continuing resolution to keep the Federal Government up and running.    The last time  this happened was in 1995 when President Clinton and the Republican controlled Congress, led by  then-Speaker Newt Gingrich  failed to reach agreement on a budget or passing a CR to keep the Government running.

So what  brought us to this point  this time around?   Well that is where  things get interesting.   The issue at the center of  contention in 2013  was not  proposed spending  but rather a Republican obsession  with an existing law.    The  Affordable Care Act,  aka - "ObamaCare".     The far right wing of the  Republican Party (the "Tea Party" wing), led by  Senator Ted Cruz of Texas,  is obsessed  with destroying  what is seen as President Obama's signature domestic policy achievement, and have shown they will stop at nothing, even shutting down the entire Federal Government  to undo it.

This obsession with repealing  the ACA is not because these Conservatives  have philosophical differences on Heath Reform,  but simply because  the  far right wing of the GOP cannot accept  that  they lost  the last two  Presidential Elections.

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What we are seeing play out in the United States this week,  is the political and legislative equivalent of a temper tantrum thrown by a childish cabal of sore losers.

The sad fact is, this is a tantrum that is not even driven by political ideology, but rather by a nonsensical hatred of this President.  The core tenants of the  Affordable Care Act are in fact,  Republican ideas.  Ideas that were enacted by their recent Presidential  nominee Mitt Romney,  when he was Governor of Massachusetts.    The obsession by the Tea Party Republicans with  repealing  the ACA is not Political,  it is not even Philosophical,  it is Pathological.  It is  driven by a deep seeded  hatred of  President Obama that has no basis in facts or reality.

What we are witnessing  is nothing short of the death knell of the  Republican Party, as it  self destructs from within, and tries desperately to drag  the rest of America down with it.

Greetings from NYC

Back in the US  for a 2 week business trip.  New York this week  then  L.A. next week..  Updates  to follow

Thank You Rachel Maddow...

I have not weighed in as of yet on the crisis on Syria  or the potential American military intervention in that country.   Yet  the brilliant Rachel Maddow  reminds us all of exactly who should NOT be weighing in on this issue and why...

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50 Years Ago Today....