Monday, December 03, 2007

We now Join the GOP Debate In Progress...

Welcome to the Republican Presidential Candidates primary debate!

FOX NEWS HOST BRIT HUME: And now let's meet the candidates.

Congressman Tom Tancredo of Colorado, Congressman Ron Paul of Texas, Former Governor Mike Huckabee of Arkansas, Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani of New York City, Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts, Senator John McCain of Arizona, Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas,; and Congressman Duncan Hunter of California.

Here now is the format of this debate. Each candidate will be asked a series of questions on wide range of foreign policy , domestic issues and perhaps others matters. Answers are limited to one minute each. With points being scored by the most effective use of the following:

Global War on Terror or “GWOT” = Ten Points
Islamic Fascism , Islamic Fascist terrorist = Ten Points
Any combination of the words “Hillary” and/ or “Clinton” = Ten points.
“Secular Progressive(s)” = Five points.
(BELL RINGS)

Let's get started. We will cover a number of issues tonight, Let's begin the questioning with my colleague Chris Wallace. Chris?

WALLACE: Thank you, Brit. I just want to say how brave it is for you to be leading this debate while we are in the middle of a Global War on Terror . (BELL RINGS) Wow! Ten points for me! Ok then, Good evening, gentlemen. Let's talk about illegal immigration. A question for you all …. As president, would you continue to protect us from the hordes of Islamic Fascists who see to exploit the weak enforcement of our borders? Mayor Giuliani?

GIULIANI: Chris, ever since 9-11, and by 9-11 I mean September the eleventh , two thousand and one, and by September 11th , 2001 I mean the day we began the global war on terror against the Islamic Fascist Terrorists that the Clintons especially Hillary would appease through secular progressive policies…
(BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS)

OTHER CANDIDATES: Ooooooh! Ahhhhhh!

ROMNEY: Well, Chris, first of all, the Islamic fascists (BELL RINGS) clearly want our borders to be wide open so they can bring the Global War on Terror (BELL RINGS) to our nation’s homes and schools.

WALLACE: Senator McCain...

MCCAIN: GWOT! Vietnam, Victory, Honor, Islamofacists!

HUCKABEE: Secular Progressives! GWOT! Clinton! Jesus!
(BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (APPLAUSE)

WALLACE: Congressman Tancredo, Why are you still here?

COLORADO REP. TOM TANCREDO: I am not really sure, but , I listen to my colleagues up here talk about this, and I ask -- uh…. Umm.. … GWOT! GWOT! Hillary wants to invite the Islamofascists to tea with secular progressives! (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS)

WALLACE: Nice save Congressman!

TANCREDO: Thanks Chris!

CALIFORNIA REP. DUNCAN HUNTER: FENCE! FENCE! GWOT! GWOT! HILLARY!

FRED THOMPSON: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

GIULIANI: 9-11! September the eleventh! The day after September 10th!

MCCAIN: Vietnam, Hillary, GWOT!

ROMNEY: GWOT! GWOT!

WALLACE: Senator Brownback, I know you're itching to get in this. ; I have one for you. Your colleague, Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, is making it difficult for the Republican Party to claim to be the party of family values. Now, I know that as his friend, what do you say to Senator Craig's second thoughts about resigning?

KANSAS SEN. SAM BROWNBACK: Hillary Clinton wants Secular Progressives to force our surrender in the Global War on Terror!
(BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS)

(APPLAUSE)

WALKLACE : Another e-mail question for all of you "For the sake of the GOP, should Larry Craig resign immediately?"

HUNTER: GWOT!
ROMNEY: HILLARY!
GIULIANI: 9-11!
TANCREDO: ISLAMIC FASCISM!
MCCAIN: VIETMAM!
THOMPSON: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
HUNTER: BUILD A HIGHER FENCE!
HUCKABEE: … ISLAMOFASCISTPROGRESSALISTICCLINTONALLYDOCIOUS!!!

(BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (BELL RINGS) (APPLAUSE)

BRIT HUME: Wow! Thank you, Governor.

BRIT HUME: Congressman Paul, apparently we have to ask you a question…. Why do you hate America?

PAUL: Well, first off, you're making stuff up….

BRIT HUME: I'm sorry time’s up… moving on..

PAUL: Hey! Wait a second!.....

HUME: Senator Brownback, you have a rebuttal to Congressman Paul’s answer?
BROWNBACK: Hillary will lose the GWOT by letting secular progressives force Gay Marriage into our schools!

(BELL RINGS) (APPLAUSE)

PAUL: You people are nuts….

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

PAUL: Did I mention I really love guns?
(BELL RINGS) (APPLAUSE)

GIULIANI: I love guns too!
(LAUGHTER)

ROMNEY: Guns are Cool!

MCCAIN: I used guns in Vietnam

THOMPSON: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

TANCREDO: Hello? Is my mike on?
(LAUGHTER)

HUCKABEE: GWOT!

PAUL: Can I respond... to what you said before?

HUME : No your time is up…

HUNTER: HILLARY!

TANCREDO: THE TROOPS!!!

(((WILD APPLAUSE))))!!

WALLACE: Another nice save Tom!

ROMNEY: I like Troops!

MCCAIN: In Vietnam I was the Troops!

(APPLAUSE)

GIULIANI: Hate it when he does that…

BROWNBACK: So unfair….

HUNTER: Show off!

HUCKABEE: Jesus, GWOT! Hillary, Troops!
(BELL RINGS)

HUCKABEE: YES! I still got it!

CHRIS WALLACE: Congressman Paul, do you still hate America?

PAUL: That’s crazy! I never said…

HUME: Thank you, Congressman… your time is up The next question is for Gov. Romney,.

PAUL: Oh come on! You have got to be kidding me… !

ROMNEY: Thank you Brit, allow me to answer your question before you ask it…. GWOT!

(BELL RINGS)

GIULIANI: The day before September 12th is 9-11!

TANCREDO: *stomps foot* HILLARYCARE!
(BELL RINGS) (APPLAUSE)

HUME: Okay Tom, you can come to the next debate.

TANCREDO: Woo hoo!

HUNTER: Secular Progressive Islamo-fascist Homosexual Marriages of Illegal Immigrants!
HUCKABEE: Performed by Hillary!
BROWNBACK: After an Abortion!
GIULIANI: On September the eleventh!

MCCAIN: IRAN!
(CROWD GASPS!)

HUME: All right, Senator good one. That gives you the last word here, sir.

MCCAIN: Hillary Clinton, GWOT, Victory , America.
(BELL RINGS) (APPLAUSE)

BRIT HUME: That is it for us tonight. Our thanks to the candidates and their staffs, to our Fox News writing staff at the Republican Party. END

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