Monday, January 24, 2011

Memo to the National Organization for Marriage...

Dear Maggie Gallagher,

Well, It's been a whole week.  And after scanning all the major news outlets all over the country for  the past seven days, I discovered something really odd...   
I was shocked to learn that in the United States, this past week, apparently none of the following things have happened.
  • A mad rush of people marrying their pets...
  • Pandemic Polygamy 
  • All across America Kindergarten students taught classes on Gay sex...
  • Scores of Clergy rounded up and put in prison for preaching...
  • Marriage as a civil institution collapsing  and millions of Heterosexual couples getting divorced...
  • America as a Nation overrun by godless hordes bent on enslaving our people and destroying our very way of life.
  • Opposite Sex couples in America completely stopping having Children...
Which is quite odd when you think about it. Because exactly one week ago, I got married. (That in and of itself is not the odd part.)  But rather it is the lack of anything odd happing as a result of it,  that is strange.

After all,  I can't even count the number of times I have heard You,  and  your cadre of  self-proclaimed "Family Values" proponents spew dire warnings of doom, gloom, apocalypse and general hubbub and brouhaha should Eric and I ever get married.

Well, guess what?  We are now married, and have been for an entire week.

So.... Where are all the promised apocalyptic consequences? Where are the mass divorces of all the marriages Eric and I supposedly "attacked" one week ago,  by tying the knot ourselves?  Where is all the promised damage to millions of children who are now, (according to you), so confused as to what a marriage is?

Where are the plagues of frogs, locusts and boils? Where is the collapse of Western civilization as we know it, due to its very foundation being rent asunder by the HORROR of Eric and I getting married one week ago today?

Nothing? .... Anyone? ... Anybody? ... Really?
How terribly disappointing,   And after you went to all that trouble to pay those actors to look so scared.

For years now , whenever  the subject of marriage equality comes up as  part of our national discourse, You claim it is an "attack" on marriage and the family. So I decided to look up the word `attack' in the dictionary. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines it as:

Pronunciation: &-'tak
Function: verb
1 : to set upon or work against forcefully
2 : to assail with unfriendly or bitter words
3 : to begin to affect or to act on injuriously
4 : to set to work on
5 : to threaten (a piece in chess) with immediate capture

Hmmm… to set upon or work against forcefully huh? Ok, so if we take your argument seriously, for Eric and I to have the same rights as any other couple, not more rights, not any new rights that other couples do not currently have, but only the exact same rights, would injure, damage and potentially even destroy heterosexual marriages and families.

Uh.. ok.. How exactly?

Does the fact of my marriage now mean that you have lost the 1,100 federal benefits and protections that you had eight days ago?   Does the fact that I am now married mean you and your spouse can no longer file a joint tax return, have, adopt or raise children, pass on social security survivor benefits, or make medical decisions for each other? 
Does my being married now mean that people will no longer want to even get married. and if they are married, will now want to get divorced? Has your marriage or family changed in any way as result of what happened to me and my spouse a week ago today?

The answer of course,  is no. None of your talking points on same sex marriage stand up to even basic common sense. But it's pretty clear that common sense isn't something you deal in very much.

You say that gay marriage cheapens or lessens the value of the institution of marriage in the eyes of society. But since none of the rights or benefits that you enjoy have changed in any way as result of my marriage; What you are really saying is that for YOU, Eric and I getting married has cheapened your own marriage in your own eyes.

My getting married means I now have something that, (again, according to you,) only heterosexuals are supposed to have . And that makes you mad.  It's not just that you wanted to prevent Eric and I from having equal rights, you want make sure that we don't have any rights at all..

You see equal rights for us, as an attack on you.    That's interesting...

Let's be honest Maggie,  this isn't about "protecting marriage".  It's about people you don't like, having the same rights as you .  Even though your life clearly has not changed in ANY way, you firmly believe that your marriage now has less value, lower status,  and the institution itself, could come to an end.  All because Eric and I were able to get married last Monday.

It suddenly occurs to me there is a word for someone who is irrationally fixated on the preservation of inequality,  that they feel is in their favor.  It turns out, Merriam-Webster's dictionary has the same word for it.

Pronunciation: 'bi-g&t
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French, hypocrite, bigot
1: a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own
opinions and prejudices

1 comment:

Mattachine said...

I'm wondering about your statement about immigration, earlier this week.

Also, I know of something that's been terribly missing since you married:

A picture of you two holding hands, with the rings.

The reality of our "losing" you two to another country because they acknowledge your rights, leaves me feeling like our country is neither brave, nor free. To the extent that you have each other, in a place where the marriage is recognized, I'm glad you're free. Which is in itself ridiculous, because of the burdens 'to be free', has placed on you two.

Just, the loss, is ours as well, not having you two able to call this home, for the nonce.